Practice and Self-Compassion - Why we need both
I’ve been doing pretty OK with this whole Stay-at-Home / physical distancing thing. I’ve been getting up and meditating every day. I’ve been doing my yoga and walking the dog. I play piano and help my children with their school work. And, for the most part, I’ve kept an even mood and a spacious heart. I feel sadness and fear at times, but I’m not wallowing in it.
And then yesterday happened. For some reason, it seemed like a better idea to stay in bed than to get up and move my body before the ‘school’ day started. I meditated, but my mind was busy and cranky. In the morning I had time for “work” - writing, preparing for classes and such - but nothing would flow. I had no inspiration and the more I pushed myself, the more contracted and irritable I felt. Then I started telling myself that the work wasn’t happening because I didn’t practice yoga in the morning. My mind told me how awful of a yoga teacher I was, how I was doing a terrible job at my work and my parenting, and that I should just give up.
I’ve had enough experience with this happening to know that I can’t keep banging my head against my work and hoping something good will come of it. Instead, I just stopped. I took my dog for a walk. I called a friend. I even let myself sit on my deck and lounge. I remembered all that is being asked of me right now. And I reminded myself of how strange this experience is. I softened my expectations of myself. I still felt cranky and deflated, but at least I wasn’t pushing myself any more. And I forgave myself for not being perfect and living up to the expectations I had for what I could do and achieve during quarantine.
This morning, I started my day with yoga and meditation again. So far I feel pretty ok.
These unusual times call for us to strengthen two things at once. Our practices and our self-compassion. We need both all the time, but especially now when all of our routines are turned upside down and we’re facing a lot of uncertainty.
Practice is what keeps you opening up when you’d rather shut down. Practice takes constrictions and breathes space into them. So when you feel fear, anxiety, or stress, your practice is how you return to center, calm, spaciousness.
This experience brings up fear, anxiety, and stress. So, we really need to practice getting out from under the constrictive power of those feelings. And, it’s not always easy. We practice on the days when we don’t feel those feelings so that when we DO feel them we already know how to access more freedom and peace. The yogis say peace, freedom and love are our original state, our ground of being. All of our practices are attempting to bring us back to that original state. So please, practice.
I’m a firm believer in the whole practice thing. AND I don’t currently live in an ashram or abbey where life is designed to support my spiritual growth and practices. I live in a household with other beings where we’re all doing our best to keep from falling apart.
And so self-compassion must arise. Self-Compassion is gazing upon yourself with eyes filled with Love. Self-Compassion means acknowledging that practice would be great, but you don’t have the energy for it in this moment. It means looking at all the ways you are holding up your household, your job, your community and then taking a breath and softening your expectations of yourself. Self-Compassion can look like letting go of as many of the “have-tos” “shoulds” and “need-tos” as possible so that you can show up for yourself and your life as best you can. It can even mean cutting yourself some slack when you binge watch Netflix instead of “being productive.”
Compassion literally means to suffer together. And with it comes the motivation to relieve the suffering. When we see the news or hear of a friend who is struggling, it’s easy to feel compassion and to feel called to help.
It’s much harder to turn that feeling back towards yourself. Self-compassion is much needed in this moment. When you are stuck in the dregs of challenges and you’re not meeting your own goals, soften and remind yourself that you are human. Look at yourself as you would look at a friend, and let go of having to do it all. It’s ok. Love your way through this moment in your life.
These times are asking you to stretch yourself in ways you never imagined. You are stepping up to meet the challenges and you are doing that in a larger world that is filled with uncertainty. You are doing it. You are doing it with no roadmap. And you are doing it beautifully.
Practice what you can when you can. Stay grounded and open. Rest when you need. But above all, look on yourself as you would a dear friend, and give yourself compassion.
All will be well, dear one. All will be well.
I’m passionate about practice and self-compassion because they both support me tremendously every day. If you’re struggling with practice or self-compassion right now, I’m here to help. I offer public yoga classes on Zoom, register here. I also offer private coaching where I can support you in building your own practices (not limited to yoga) and in growing self-compassion. Connect with me here.