After a Hard Year: Comfort then Joy
(Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash)
I don’t feel any magic this year. Unpacking the Christmas tree was fine, but I felt dull inside. No sentimentality. No hopeful excitement. Listening to Christmas songs isn’t putting me in the holiday spirit. And I haven’t even thought about baking Christmas cookies. Am I dead inside? A month ago I was deeply stirred by what I was reading, teaching, and sharing. Now, there’s nothing.
This is NOT my Christmas wish. I’ve always loved feeling the magic of the season. I enjoy anticipating my children’s delight on Christmas morning. I truly look forward to visits with family. Not feeling excited seems strange, like there’s a glitch in my matrix.
I’ve been trying to ‘fake it til I make it’. The tree is up, and presents are bought and wrapped. But that’s not really working. If anything, I’m more tired and less inspired.
A ROUGH YEAR
I know what’s going on. It’s been a year for my family. A hard hard year. Many challenges have come. And just when it seems like we’re getting a handle on things - something else happens and we’re back in crisis mode. Dealing with it all has been exhausting. So there’s no reserve for doing MORE - like shopping, wrapping, planning, decorating… etc.
I know I’m not the only one experiencing this. Many of my friends, students, and clients have told me about their personal struggles. Struggles that feel heavier than one would expect. One would wish for embodiment to be always joyful. But we know that is not always the case. We know that this human form endures much heartbreak. But we must remember that embodying heartbreak is also a gift. When the heart breaks -truly breaks, because we endure challenges and setbacks -it opens. My teacher often says: “Heart break is Heart opening”. Heart opening is what allows us back into the wonder, awe, and sacredness of the season.
How do you connect with the magic of the season when you’ve had a rough year?
On my drive home this evening, my son and I started singing the carol God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. We came to the line about comfort and joy and it woke me up to this: When things have been rough, we need to experience the Comfort first. Then we can open to Joy.
COMFORT
To move towards comfort, slow down dear one, and tend to your wounds. It has been a lot. And your heavy heart has been quite a weight to carry. All of it needs acknowledgement and care. Tending can include many things: conversation with friends over tea, sitting in silence allowing your nervous system to settle, crying, journalling, conversation with a therapist or coach. Tend to yourself in a way that acknowledges your dearness. For, you must know, you are incredibly dear.
You cannot experience joy from a place of depletion. So first, tend to your wounds.
WONDER
Then, keeping slow, open your eyes to wonder. Wonder is so close this time of year, even when you don’t feel it. Watch the birds in the bare trees. Soften your eyes to the sun sinking below the horizon. Glance around and see the decorations that bring light to the darkness.
Invite wonder too. Light candles, play soft music, move slowly. Write poems or sing songs that invite reverence. Practice restorative yoga. Spread birdseed on the snow. Rest and breathe in the sweetness of the winter season. It’s ok to be quieter than normal.
JOY?
Tonight, driving home and singing with my son, something happened. I shifted. The singing brought me some comfort. Acknowledging the challenges of this year brought me some comfort. I opened my eyes to the wonder of the holiday lights all around our neighborhood. And I cherished the sweetness of singing with him. Now, I’m feeling a little more magic. I’m opening my heart once again and feeling the tenderness of this season.
The connection to something deeper is what I’ve been longing for - - I recognize this feeling as a gateway to Joy. In the yogic mindset, Joy is at the center of All-that-Is. This kind of Joy is unfounded, doesn’t rely on outside circumstances, and is continuous - it never ends. When we become depleted or contracted, we lose contact with that Joy. But comforting ourselves lets us soften our contracted edges. Looking with eyes of wonder gently fills our hearts. Then we feel renewed connection to Source. Through that connection to Source, it’s possible to experience Joy.
If it’s been a year for you, I invite you to find a different way of being in relationship to the holiday. A soft way. A gentle way. A way that honors the year that you were given. My wish for you is that through comfort and wonder you find a way to touch the deep abiding Joy that is at the heart of the season.
Click here to read writings from holidays past