If you Wanna BE yourself You've gotta SEE yourself
Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash
How good are you at seeing yourself honestly?
For years, I deeply wanted to be some ultra-perfected version of myself. I tried to embody the features that I thought other people would like, and stifled the rest. I wanted to ignore everything else about me. I thought that if I didn’t pay attention to the negatives about myself, eventually all that would be left was positives. And by only being the positive parts of myself I’d be my “true self”. Then, I was sure, I’d finally be comfortable being me everywhere I went…. because I’d be “perfect”. (perfectionism much?)
What I didn’t know back then was that I was leaving out huge parts of my self. And the more I did that, the less possible it was for me to be my whole, real, true self. It wasn’t until I started doing coaching and consciousness work that things started to shift. As my teachers and coaches helped me see and welcome ALL the parts of myself, I started to feel confident, comfortable and at home in myself.
What I’m learning through this journey is: If you want to BE yourself you’ve gotta SEE yourself.
SEE YOURSELF
Uncovering your true self starts with being able to see, and see clearly. Your true self is multifaceted like a jewel, it’s important to see all facets, not just the ones you love.
This process of seeing is something that yogis and meditators call: Self-Observation. Self-Observation is about growing your capacity to notice, watch, observe yourself on multiple levels as you go through life. That means noticing your body’s shape, form, and sensations. It includes watching your thought patterns and the deeper energetic movements of the mind. Self-observation means seeing the swirl of emotions that moves through you on any given day. And it even includes catching glimmers of the deeper essence self that is often hidden because you’re not usually looking for it.
There’s a lot going on in every human being all the time. Tons of thoughts, emotions and sensations are happening, and most of us don’t even notice a fraction of them. We go through our lives mostly on autopilot with an idea who we think we are but no notion of who we’re really being or how we’re really feeling. It’s a kind of sleep walking where most people aren’t intimate with the habitual workings of the body/mind…. or the expansive Consciousness that holds everything together.
Purposeful self-observation lets you get to know yourself in an intimate way. That means observing all of you - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m not trying to scare you, but I want you to know that in the beginning you might not like what you see:
You might tell yourself you’re generally a positive person, but when you listen to your thoughts you encounter a running list of complaints.
You might think you’re pretty easy-going but you encounter dramatic swings of emotions when you start paying attention to them.
You may have an idea that your body is in good condition, but when you start listening to it you meet all sorts of aches and pains that you’d been ignoring.
I share these because they’re all real examples from my life. And they weren’t easy to see at first.
DIDN’T WANT TO SEE THAT
Seeing yourself clearly, can feel confronting. Before seeing, you could live in blissful ignorance of how your body, mind, and emotions were doing. But knowing means you either have to choose to ignore yourself on purpose or you have to do something about it.
That’s why a lot of folks will turn away from self-observation almost as soon as they start. They give up on meditation because it doesn’t feel good. They stop going to yoga when the teacher asks them to be present with what’s happening the moment. Suddenly folks see that they aren’t who they’ve been telling themselves they are. Real intimacy with the truth of who you are can be really uncomfortable.
STICK WITH IT
The people who quit when they see something they don’t like are missing out. You don’t get to embody your true self without seeing and embracing all facets of yourself. You are multifaceted like a jewel. When you ignore parts of yourself, it’s like only polishing one part of the jewel and leaving the rest cloudy. The jewel can’t sparkle unless all parts are given the attention they need. When those parts that seemed negative can be embraced, brought into the whole, the jewel really shimmers.
This process of seeing offers you the space to observe without reacting to every little thing. For each of us that means learning to observe all parts of ourselves without pushing them away. With practice, you’ll learn to allow judgements to rise and fall without judging yourself for them. You’ll notice how emotions run their course without you having to be overly involved with them every time. You can even learn to hold a yoga posture and experience a lot of sensation in your muscles. Every time you witness yourself and don’t push yourself away, you bring difficult parts closer to into your heart, where there is a feeling of homecoming.
It’s a huge relief to your true self when you stop ignoring yourself and start seeing clearly.
Also, don’t worry, you won’t only see negatives. Self-observation will reveal your intrinsic goodness. You’ll start to see your natural compassion, empathy, playfulness, and spark. Knowing yourself this deeply lets you belong to your own body, mind, and heart. Over time, self-observation settles you into unshakable worthiness.
BECOMING THE TRUE YOU
A kind of alchemy occurs as you observe yourself. You learn who you are on all levels. Knowing yourself this well means you become more grounded and confident. As you see your habits and patterns, you will naturally begin to interrupt them. It’s like coming off of autopilot into making embodied conscious choices about how you live. You’ll stop just going through the motions, and you’ll start living. This is how we bring more consciousness into the world. This is how we bring the true self forward in the world.
The willingness to see yourself fully is the beginning of transforming from the false self to the true you. It starts with self-observation and ends with you standing confidently in your center as YOURSELF, powerfully claiming who you are and living full out!
Are you ready?
If you want some support with Self-Observation check out the May Meditation Group. We’ll meet for four weeks to meditate together and talk about what we noticed. It’s a supportive starting point for self-observation. Join us!