Get to know YOU
(Photo by Ashley Ibarra on Unsplash)
“I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore”
You do. You do know who you are deep in your bones. You’ve just lost the thread that connects the you who’s out here living your life and the true you that lives deep inside. Without that thread of course you feel lost and confused… like something’s missing. Because something IS missing… YOU. The real you isn’t here, instead there’s this being who goes through the motions and looks like you, but isn’t truly infused with your distinct essence or flavor… rasa and bhav are words we could borrow from the yoga tradition.
Without the real you, life becomes flat, dull, and empty. You go rushing around filling time, keeping busy. And you’re really good at distraction. Slipping away into your phone or burying your nose in a book. You keep yourself at the surface because the surface is {sort-of} under control. The deep is unpredictable and might have some monsters in it.
But, the deep is where the real YOU is.
So how do you get her back? You go looking.
Yes. I promise you will find her, she isn’t gone, she’s just hidden - buried like sunken treasure under distraction and everyone else’s expectations.
You can’t bait a line and lure her back up to the surface… she won’t come at first. No, you’ll have to go to her. And that means, setting aside the distractions and turning towards the depths. How long has it been since you looked into the depths of your own body, mind and heart?
A while, probably, if you don’t know yourself anymore.
But remember, you used to do this…You held a delicious yoga pose and felt something open - you were flooded with love that felt real. You journaled in early morning hours, waking up to previously unknown insights. You danced with abandon - letting your spirit shine through. You even watched your mind spin wild with anxiety - and brought it back to center because you remembered that center is you.
You can go back into the depths. You’ll find it different, but you’ll find it. You’ve been before.
You may want to stay on the surface, but that’s just because you’ve gotten comfortable there. You don’t know yourself there though because on the surface there is a new you every moment - one is loving, one is jealous, one is spiteful, one is soft, one is childlike, one is humble, one is bold, one is anxious, one is confident. The surface changes.
But in the depths you will find some parts that don’t change so quickly… if at all. In the depths your authentic self waits to be rediscovered. She waits for YOU to come closer. She sits with all of the answers to the questions you never ask, ready to answer if only you’ll listen.
Look for your authentic self in your deep preferences…. in the colors that delight you, the flavors that speak to you, the stories that call to your heart, the music that sings in your blood. You’ll find her in what you LOVE.
Paradoxically look for her in what you don’t love too. In those horrible moments when things aren’t going well look for her for guidance. In times of disconnection lean into the longing that reminds you something’s missing. The longing will have you dive down into the depths to rekindle the lost relationship.
So what will you do today to start swimming in deeper waters?
You could pull out a journal and ask yourself a few questions like: Who am I? What do I enjoy right now? What brought me to this moment in my life? What do I value?
You could get on your yoga mat and let your deepest impulses guide your movement
You could make a piece of artwork without censoring yourself
You could watch your surface self go through the day knowing she’s only one level of who you are
You could sit with a trusted coach or friend asking deep questions and answering from your soul
You could be with Mother Earth and allow her to reflect your surface and deep selves back to you.
You will know who you are again, when you spend time with your authentic self. I know you don’t think you know how, but that’s ok. Start anyway. Pick up whatever remnants of thread that are around you and see if you can tie them together. Make a line and dive in. See what happens.