Your Life is Not a Performance
I was in the gym working out when I realized I was doing something strange. It was time to go to the other side of the room, pile weight onto the sled, and push it. A lot of times I avoid pushing the sled because… it’s hard. This time I was ready to do it, but I still stopped myself. I wondered what was going on.
There was a man near the sleds. He was totally fine, not weird or even looking at me. Still, for some reason I got all concerned about whether he would see me push the sled and what he might think. I wasn’t worried for my safety. I didn’t think he might be attracted to me or anything. It was just that he was there. I felt like instead of being in a workout I was in a performance.
Once I figured out that I was unconsciously performing for some random dude at my gym I had to laugh at myself. Then I pulled my attention away from him and got on with the hard work of pushing that dang sled. I don’t know if he had a reaction, because I wasn’t paying attention to him. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that I got centered and did the workout I came to do.
IT’S YOUR LIFE, NOT A PERFORMANCE
Folks turn their lives into performances all the time. It happens when you wear a particular outfit because it’s the cool thing to wear at this studio. It happens when you laugh at jokes that you don’t think are funny just so you can hang with the cool kids. It happens when you look around to see who sees you while you buy your groceries, or pick up your kids, or hold a yoga pose. It happens when you craft your Instagram feed into something you think other people want to see instead of what you want to post.
Performing happens when you stop yourself from being yourself and instead put on an act for rest of the world.
The problem with making your life into a performance is that you’re always focused outwards. Your focus is on your “audience” and whatever you’re trying to convey to them. When you do that you have to project an image. Usually the images we try to project are flat, not well-rounded, and only show the “good side” of things. They take work to keep going. It’s exhausting.
And while you’re focusing on them, you’re out of yourself. The more time you spend performing for an audience the further you move from your center. Over time, you end up feeling like you’re living beside yourself instead of fully embodying your deepest truest self.
YOGA & PERFORMANCE
Performance happens a lot in the beginning of folks’ yoga journeys. Students roll out their mats and do their best to follow the instructor’s cues. They’re worried that they won’t do it right, or they’ll look stupid. They look to the teacher and other students to make sure they’re ok. They’re not confident in what they’re doing so they try to act like they know what they’re doing whether they do or not.
Did you catch it? They ACT. They perform. It comes from of the assumption that it’s not ok to be a confused beginner. I get that and I’m not knocking it. In the beginning it’s ok to kind of fake-it-till-you-make-it. I tell students to just do their best as they get a feel for what’s going on.
The problem takes root when it doesn’t stop as the student progresses. There’s rampant performative yoga on social media. (There are also heartfelt expressions.) And even yoga teachers struggle with performing while they teach. For many teachers (myself included) it can take years to drop out of performance and confidently offer our knowledge.
But the point of yoga isn’t to impress other people … it’s to have a deepening experiences of the Self. So, as you spend more time on your mat the hope is that the performing can drop away. Instead of worrying so much about what you look like in the pose, how cool your yoga outfit is, or whether anyone else is thinking about you over time your mind can settle on what’s actually happening in your practice. That means you shift your focus from what everyone else sees and thinks about you into what’s happening inside of you. For yoga teachers it means teaching from your center, not putting on a show for your students.
FROM PERFORMING TO EXPERIENCING
For this to happen, you have to make a mental shift from performance to experience. It’s a shift in perspective that lands you in the center of your breath, your body, and your Heart. It puts you into the present moment and gives you the feeling that you’re truly LIVING your life as it unfolds. It also moves you into a truthful relationship with yourself. Truth lives in the experiences we have, not in what we project onto others.
If you’re used to performing all the time, it can feel foreign to shift into experiencing. You may not even understand what I mean at first. But the easiest way to figure out if you’re in performance mode is to ask yourself: Are you’re doing something because of how you think it’ll look to other people? Or are you doing it because it feels natural to you?
TRY EXPERIENCING
Pick a situation in your life where unnecessary performance might come up. This should be a place where you’re safe and it’s better to be yourself than to perform. (Yoga Class, a Night out with friends, choosing what to post to social media)
Notice if you start performing. By performing I mean changing your behavior based on what you think other people want from you.
When it happens take a pause. You’ve moved outside of your center. Reconnect with your center by receiving breath, feeling your connection to the ground, and feeling sensations in your body. This will help you switch from performing to experiencing by putting you into the present moment.
Now instead of performing, start exploring. Get curious. Stay as centered in yourself as you can make whatever it is you’re doing an adventure, not a show. See how it goes.
Poet Danna Faulds writes this note:
“Yoga is an invitation to explore, not a command performance”
I love this quote for the reminder to explore…to experience… to LIVE, in your yoga practice. That lesson can come with you off your yoga mat into your life.
MAKING THE SHIFT
For most people, the shift from performing to experiencing is gradual. At first you simply notice when you’re performing. Then you learn to get back in touch with who you are at your center - your needs, desires, opinions, and preferences. Next comes building the confidence to bring your authentic self forward. It is a process that unfolds with time and support. For most of us, it is ongoing shedding that allows the authentic self to come through.
The reward is a deep sense of trust and ease. It comes with a feeling of being centered, capable, and empowered. And, you finally get to rest because you’re not putting all of your energy into upholding a false image.
So let this be your reminder: Your life is not a performance. Come back to your center - body, mind, heart, spirit - and start living the life you were meant to live. I’m right here cheering you on!