You're Not Meant to Go Alone
Every morning, the first thing I do when I wake up is sit for 20 minutes of meditation. I sit in the dark of winter. I sit in the brightness of summer mornings. I sit on vacation. I’ve even meditated in the hospital. My meditation practice is sacred to me, and so I sit. I do it without fail and I relish the quiet time to myself each morning.
But, in the beginning, I was a little lonely. Sitting by myself week after week, year after year, I felt isolated. Even though I knew folks all over the world were sitting quietly in meditation, I wished for companionship. I even wondered if I was too weird - because when I started, I didn’t know anybody who meditated regularly.
That loneliness changed once I got connected with more meditators. Through my yoga teacher trainings I met other folks who did the same meditation practices as me. We’d leave training with the assignment to keep meditating. Just imagining them meditating at home made me feel less alone. And that made me even more committed to my practice.
THE YAMAS
Lately I’ve been exploring this idea of not being alone as I teach yoga asana. For the last several weeks I’ve been teaching on the Yamas. The Yamas come from Patanjali’s Yoga sutras, a foundational yoga text that dates from about 2,500 years ago. The Yamas are often called ethical observances, or the outward observances. They are simple instructions that tell you how to treat the people around you.
There are five Yamas
Ahimsa: Non-Harming,
Satya : Truthfulness,
Asteya: Non-stealing,
Bramacharya: Having ethical conduct like God
Aparigraha : Non-grasping
I’ve taught the Yamas for years. Every time I do, I get a deeper understanding of them and they enrich my practice. But this time, something new stood out to me: Community
DON’T GO IT ALONE
The Yamas remind us that we’re not meant to do this thing alone. By ‘this thing’, I mean life, and particularly spiritual life. The Yamas come from a time when students would gather around a particular teacher to learn together. They would grow alongside each other, supporting each others’ learning and enlightenment. Community was the context for their growth, the unseen holding environment, like a cocoon for transformation.
Most of us don’t have a sense of community like that. We may be connected to people from PTA or work. We may be friendly with the folks that take the same yoga classes we do. But few of us experience of the support that can arise in true community. In fact, many times when I’ve learned the Yamas, the teacher has downplayed the community aspect of them in favor of reminding students to direct them inwards.
It’s our loss. Without the container of true community we don’t get to experience and express our own fullness. And we miss out on opportunities for transformation that can only come when you are in relationship alongside others who are equally committed to inner work.
PRACTICE COMMUNITY
So what do you do if you want more than a good stretch and a laugh out of your yoga class?
I think it’s possible for our modern yoga classes to be a starting point for creating true community. It means you show up and engage with the class in a different way. Rather than consuming the class, you contribute to it. Rather than only seeing your yoga time as a personal practice, you shift your perception to see it as a community experience. Whether or not your teacher is overtly talking about community, you can help create a community atmosphere every time you roll out your mat.
Here are some ways to practice community in your regular yoga class:
Be Intentional - Before every class remind yourself that you are in it with everyone else, and that you are intending to be a mindful participant in the community.
Be Consistent - Show up regularly so that you can be counted on as part of the class. When you’re consistent you help to shape the community.
Be Respectful of Time - Show up on time and stay for the entire class. By arriving a few minutes early to set up your props, you don’t distract others at the opening of class. By staying the entire time you show how much you value everyone and the teachings you are receiving.
Be Relational - Look up and see the other students and the teacher. Say hello, ask people about their practice, learn other folks names, help new students find their props. Find a community buddy - someone to connect with and share your intention to practice community with them. Talk about how it’s going - - just not during class please!
Be Real - You don’t have to perform. Help set the tone of the community by being real in your practice. Share with your fellow students and the teacher from deep authenticity. Come to class even when you’re struggling and learn to be supported by your classmates.
Be Accepting - You’re not going to like everyone who shows up. Folks are going to do things or say things that rub you the wrong way. A huge part of being in community is learning how to accept others without making them wrong. This can be very difficult, but profoundly transformational work. Practice, Practice, Practice!!!
Be Particular - Find a teacher that supports community in the studio (hint: They will embody the things mentioned above). It’s important that the teacher also allows for questioning and disagreement. No community can last if total agreement is required. If you’re not allowed to say no or bring up alternate points, you’re in a dictatorship, not a community. Find teachers who welcome your dissent and alternate voices.
Be Deep - Sometimes teachers or studios offer other experiences where community can deepen. Immersions, workshops, retreats, and yoga teacher trainings often cultivate community. These work well because they’re usually a longer than a regular class, they allow students to go deeper into yogic study AND offer time for students to share reflections. Hearing from other students can be proudly transformative and help you build bonds that last for years. In addition your yoga teacher may offer mentoring in a one-to-one relationship. Individual work won’t provide the same insights and support as working in a group, but it will connect you with someone who’s on the yogic path and may have insights and wisdom to support your journey.
And of course, embody the teachings you’ve learned in your yoga classes, like the Yamas. Yoga isn’t meant to be kept only to yourself. It is meant to be directed outward towards the very people that you live, work, and study alongside.
Some of these things will come easily. Others will be a challenge. That’s part of being in community. It asks everyone to bend a little bit. If you take this on, you’ll learn to soften your particular preferences (your ego) for the greater good. It is a reminder that you are an important part of a bigger whole. The whole is incomplete without you, but you are not the entirety of the whole. Everyone has a place. Everyone has value. When everyone also values the bigger community that’s when it can be healthy and supportive.
THE TRUTH
All of this talk about community is really pointing to a deeper truth: You are not SEPARATE. The ego would like to believe that you are a separate individual being. But it simply isn’t true. Yoga philosophy teaches us that you are the Divine Light of Consciousness in contracted form. Your task is to remember yourself as that light, that goodness, that bliss. Not only that, but to remember that everyone, EVERYONE else shares in and IS that same light. We are intimately connected with everything and everyone. Community helps us live that truth. In living it, we experience it deeply and it transforms us.
Whether you are intentional about it or not, you are a part of the community every time you enter a public yoga class. May you be an asset to the class, supporting yourself and others as you deepen your experiences of life on and off the mat.