Distracted by Your Shadow
Several months ago I took my yoga mat outside and unrolled it on my deck. Ready to enjoy the beautiful spring weather I sat down and started with an intention and a gentle OM. Slowly I started moving with my breath. Cat and cow to Downward facing dog. Tadasana at the top of the mat became sun salutations. They flowed into a playful exploration of standing poses.
There I was with the spring light shining on me through crisp air, holding postures that are now as familiar to me as old friends when I looked beside me and caught a glimpse of my shadow. It’s not often I get to see myself in my practice and I was entranced. I watched as she moved from form to form. She was beautiful.
I started trying postures just to see what they would look like in shadow form. Shape after shape until suddenly I realized I hadn’t felt my breath in a while. I couldn’t exactly remember what I’d been doing in the last string of postures so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do the same thing on the second side. And, I actually had no idea how my body was responding to what I was doing because I wasn’t listening to it at all.
I’d gotten distracted by my shadow.
And isn’t that a perfect metaphor for life!
YOUR SHADOW
The shadow is a concept that originated in Jungian psychology and has been morphed and explained in a million different ways over the years. The way I think of it is that just like in nature, the shadow is the place where the light hasn’t reached yet. So, your personal shadow includes those things about yourself that are too painful to acknowledge, or that you will not accept about yourself. It holds all the parts of you that you’d rather didn’t exist.
Your shadow is unconscious, meaning you really don’t know about those things. It’s also very powerful because your conscious mind will do a LOT to avoid having to shine light into that darkness. If you’ve ever been afraid to learn more about yourself then you were knocking on the door to your shadow. If you’ve ever balked when someone pointed out something you didn’t like about yourself that was your shadow too.
Not many of us want to acknowledge that we are anything but wonderful most of the time. But having a shadow is just part of being human. It’s a completely natural response to growing up in human culture where not every single part of your wholeness is celebrated.
The great thing about the shadow is that it WANTS to be explored. So it is possible to go into the shadow and bring things out into the light. That’s a lot of what healing work is about and it can restore deep feelings of wholeness. But your shadow can also cause a lot of unnecessary suffering.
IT’S DISTRACTING
The trouble with the shadow starts when you get distracted by it, like I did that morning on my mat. Getting distracted by your shadow in real life happens in lots of ways: stopping yourself from moving forward on your big idea because you’re afraid it might not work. It looks like someone grumbling all day about how their co-worker is always in everybody else’s business, instead of focusing on the job. It’s never letting yourself sit down to rest instead of acknowledging that you’re tired. Your shadow could show up as lashing out whenever anyone makes a mistake around you. There are tons of ways that the shadow gets in the way of you living your life.
What happens is that the shadow material comes up to just below the surface of your awareness. Then you get so caught in the web it spins that you end up distracted from your hopes & dreams. It keeps you from living with purpose. And oftentimes it spreads separation instead of connection.
MOVING TOWARDS LIGHT
If you don’t want to be stuck in distraction forever you’ve got to find a way to work with your shadow. In my experience there are two ways that are effective:
The first is to shine a light right onto it. It’s a very direct way to help the shadow material dissolve. It can also be challenging if you’re not used to seeing yourself so truthfully. Shining a light into shadow material means digging deeper into the things that are causing you discomfort and figuring out what part of you is upset about it. Then your offer that part of you non-judgmental kindness and self-compassion. It sounds like a simple process, but in fact it can be really hard to see and love yourself when what you’re seeing and loving are things you’ve always tried to keep hidden. If you’re new to seeing yourself this way I definitely recommend getting someone to help you - a therapist or coach.
The other thing to do is to turn your attention back to the task at hand. So when the shadow material arrives and you’re all bent out of shape, turn back around to exactly what you’re doing in the moment. Again, this is SO much easier said than done because the shadow material is strong. You’ve been holding it at bay for your whole life. When it comes up it wants to keep you stuck. So it’ll play over and over on a loop in your mind. Turning away from it, coming back to the present moment might have to be repeated a thousand times before it sticks.
This is tricky because you don’t want to avoid or bypass your life. This isn’t about shoving the shadow deeper into the dark and insisting on ‘love and light only’. The first part of turning back to the present is acknowledging that the shadow material is there. Then you have to choose to drop it, to not let it distract you. You have to consciously choose to turn towards the present moment with clarity. If I’m honest I don’t know if this second way is possible until you’ve done some work the first way.
But what I do know, is that it works. It is possible to get a lot of freedom from the powerful hook of the shadow. And when you’re free, when your conscious, you can make choices that that affirm your wholeness and build connections with others.
TRY IT
The next time you’re irritated about something
Ask yourself what is not ok inside of you about this situation. That’s where you’ll meet your shadow material.
Inwardly acknowledge the pain and upset and see if you can give yourself a little inner hug.
Having acknowledged what’s going on, exhale and drop as much of it as you can.
Turn back to the task at hand. (Repeat as many times as necessary)
This is a super simplistic view of something that can feel very complex inside. But, it’s a way to start to look for and acknowledge your shadow so that it can stop interrupting your life.
LESS DISTRACTION MORE CONNECTION
Going back to the example of the woman who flies into a rage every time someone around her makes a mistake, the shadow material is the discomfort about making mistakes. There’s something in this person that feels that making a mistake is absolutely not ok. If she can see that for herself, she can start to offer herself kindness when she feels like she messed up. She can also start to pause when she feels the rage coming on. Then she has a chance to do something else when someone messes up. Instead of raging she could take a few breaths and remind herself that mistakes are part of life. She could help the person repair the damage and in the process repair relationship with that person.
When I was on my mat on that spring morning I did the same. I chose not to let my shadow distract me. I turned back to my practice, my body and my breath. My shadow was there beside me, and it took a few tries to remember not to pay attention to it. But eventually it stopped slowing me down. By the end of practice the sun had moved, it was shining brighter than before and my shadow had gotten so small it was barely noticeable. I left practice feeling deeply connected to my body, my breath, and to the Mystery that holds us all.