How to Get Affirmations to Work

(Photo by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash)

“I am worthy of Love and Belonging”

“I accept myself just as I am”

“My peace depends on me”

Perhaps you’ve read phrases like these on an inspirational Instagram or Facebook post.  Maybe you picked up a book of short words to lift your Heart.   You’ve probably heard me say things like this if you take yoga with me.

These kinds of short positive phrases are often called: Affirmations.  They’re called that because they affirm us.  They lift us up and say ‘YES’.  Affirmations touch truths inside of us and remind us how things could be if only we’d remember. 

What many folks do when they’re inspired by a particular affirmation is try to live it.  They repeat the words to themselves.  They put them on their Vision Boards, or tape them to the mirror.  They try to do whatever it is the affirmation is suggesting.  All it comes from a desire to grow, to be a better person, or to invite qualities like peace and acceptance into ones life.  How beautiful!

When Affirmations Don’t Work

Unfortunately,  it doesn’t work.  Not really anyway.  What usually happens is the affirmation stays as a kind of mental exercise, a concept, rather than becoming real change.  That’s a bummer because most people actually do want to live in ways that are life-affirming.  It can feel discouraging when change doesn’t happen.   

I think there’s a mix up happening that can make a huge difference in whether an affirmation works for you or not. It all has to do with where the affirmation comes from.  

Affirmations are awesome  But they work best when they come from you.  That means, picking up something that someone else wrote down doesn’t get to the heart of what’s keeping you stuck.  Even if their words speak to exactly what you want they aren’t YOUR words so they don’t carry the same power.

They Need to Be Personal

When you were little you formed ideas about the world that were based on your experiences as a small child trying to get what you needed in the safest and happiest way possible.  Some of those ideas aren’t accurate for how you want to be in the world now.  It’s not a problem, it’s just how we all get through childhood.  As adults we can re-work those limiting ideas and shift them.  That’s what you’re trying to do when you repeat Affirmations to yourself.

But to fundamentally shift, you have to get in touch with the original idea you formed as a kid.  That means you have to figure out specifically what you told yourself and tell yourself a new story.  It’s important that you spend time working through your limiting idea until you get to the other side of it.  On the other side of it you can create a new idea, one that is at least as  powerful as the old one, and that’s your personalized affirmation.  

This works because you’re in your own experience.  You’re speaking directly to the part of you that keeps holding you back.  And you’re offering it something different, a new way of seeing an old situation.   Yes, you can just feed yourself other people’s words. But if you actually go in and ‘talk to’ the part of yourself that is keeping you limited, you will come up with your own words.  And those words are exactly the ones you need to hear.

My (Strange) Affirmation

I know this can be hard to understand if you’ve never done anything like this, so here’s an example from my life:

When I was in a yoga school that required an intense certification process I felt like I could never be a great teacher until I had that piece of paper.  The young kid in me believed she had to prove her worth through achievements like grades and certifications.  When I journaled about feeling like a terrible yoga teacher I discovered that I was holding myself back because of that old belief. As I journaled with my younger self, I realized I was already a good yoga teacher, I didn’t need the piece of paper.   My new affirmation became: “I don’t need the piece of paper.”  It’s a really strange affirmation.  You’re not going to see it on Instagram.  But when I say it to myself it reminds me that my skill comes from my experience not a certification.

Back then you couldn’t have told me how powerful that affirmation would be.  But I’ve used it many times with other certifications and experiences.  Every time I remind myself that ‘I don’t need the piece of paper’ I feel a sense of empowerment and self-reliance that I didn’t have before.

Make the Affirmation Yours

Coming back to you and your affirmations.  It can be difficult to figure out what will actually help you.  So start by going back through old journals or notes and remember your Ah-Has.  The important insights that come up in self-reflective moments are the ones to turn into your affirmations.  They may not sound like anything that anyone else would understand.  But they are the way that your Heart speaks truth to you.  And they are what your mind and Heart need to be told over and over again.  The more you tell yourself what you need to hear, and the more you say it in your own words, the easier it is to change.

And there’s the point… being able to change.  If you want to grow up and get out of the habits that have held you back through your entire life, change has to happen.  Though change is often uncomfortable or totally scary, speaking to yourself in kind and affirming ways helps. 

So the next time you’re struggling to try to live up to someone else’s affirmation take a pause. Come back to yourself.  Connect with the part of you that’s feeling stuck and find the exact words she needs to hear.  Speak those words over and over again.  Embody them.  Live them into existence and feel yourself transform.