Saying YES in this Mess
It’s been another unfathomable, impossible week. Both in the great big world out there. And in the smaller world of the people I love and respect. It’s been unimaginable and heartbreaking. (for those who read through the lines, my family is fine but … a dear friend…)
I keep asking what is carrying me through right now? How am I not totally collapsing or just losing it? Why is my Heart so open? My first answer is always LOVE. Love is what’s behind everything. And I am feeling it deeply recently.
But alongside that is the fact that I’m not fighting any of it. I’m saying “YES.” I’m just saying “YES” to all of it….the entire mess this hurricane we call life is making right now. Somehow that “YES” is letting me keep riding the waves - even though they only get bigger.
Radical Affirmation
In Tantra-inspired yoga we’d call this: RADICAL AFFIRMATION. Affirmation is the YES. But it’s made radical because that YES is for everything. Every great and terrible thing that comes your way, is an opportunity to say YES. Tantra yoga takes the view that everything we experience is an unfolding of Consciousness. There’s nothing that isn’t Consciousness. The more we say YES to whatever the experience is, the more we align with Consciousness.
Right away we want to say NO. I feel it too. How can I say YES to the abominations right now? How can I say YES to deportations for no reason, bombing the holiest places, the stripping of rights…? How can I say YES to the tragedies that befall my beloveds? I can’t. I have to say NO to that.
But Consciousness would urge you to say YES anyway.
This is where Radical Affirmation gets confusing. Because, of course, you don’t want to condone horrible things. But that’s not really what Radical Affirmation asks of you.
Radical Affirmation isn’t about agreement.
It’s about acknowledgement.
Life - as it is
Radical Affirmation doesn’t mean you have to like everything that’s happening. Instead it ask you to acknowledge the state of the world - exactly as it is. That means, no hiding from the terrors, no downplaying the realities, no shrinking away from joy. It is looking life in the face (her terrible/ecstatic face) and saying YES. It even means that in those moments when you’re shocked and can’t believe it - that you say YES to every cell in your body screaming “NO!”
When you say YES, something happens. When you say YES instead of NO, you align with life, on life’s terms. (It’s always on life’s terms unfortunately) And that alignment makes room for possibilities.
Stepping into Co-Creation
If you say YES to something you don’t like, then you can do some work to change it. For example, when the culture removes the stories of women in the military, you can say YES, I see that happening - I’m not ok with that - I’m gonna do something (call my senator, create a webpage, organize a rally…) But if you’re stuck saying NO - which is denying what’s happening - then there’s no new possibility. You take away your power to make CHANGE.
The beautiful thing about a Tantric universe is that this isn’t all just happening to you. In some cases you have the power to co-create with Consciousness. There will always be things that we would never wish, are out of our control, and we cannot explain, that’s true. But in many cases, it’s possible to partner with life to make shifts. Thank goodness, because there are systems that believe you just get what you get, everything is predetermined, you can’t make an impact. But in Tantra you have the chance to effect change. The longer it takes you to say YES, the longer you’ll stay stuck. Say YES and possibilities open up.
I sincerely hope your life is going beautifully. And that the lives of your friends and family are going beautifully. If that’s the case, please say a big fat YES to that. And offer gratitude to whatever saint you pray to for the ease Consciousness has gifted you.
But I know it’s not the case for a lot of us. We’re either personally challenged. Or we’re witnessing heartache of others that can’t be soothed. So take on this next exercise with a heap of compassion.
Practice Saying YES
Choose a particular time and place to practice
when you open up Social Media (imagine having some Consciousness there!)
in your next yoga class
the next time you speak with a dear friend or family member
Consciously say an inward YES to everything
you see a cute dog on Instagram (YES), a report on t@rrifs (YES)
your teacher calls out your favorite pose (YES) your least favorite is next (YES)
your friend tells you something you can’t believe (YES)
Then say an inward YES to every response you have in your body/mind
delight, then frustration (YES)
anger and fear (YES)
shock and disbelief (YES)
Remember, when practicing Radical Affirmation you turn away from nothing
If it makes sense, choose an action that aligns with what’s true (What you said YES to to begin with) and your response to it
Laugh, Cry, Call your representative
Practice the pose or skip it
Question your friend more closely, or share your truth
If you try this, notice what happens. Notice if you are more open or more closed after saying YES to everything. Notice if you’re more agitated or more peaceful.
Staying Open-Hearted
I did this many years ago in a long yoga weekend. A few years prior, I’d spent 16 hours arguing with the teacher over the course of two days. Every pose he called out I’d groan inwardly. By the end I felt terrible. Fast forward to the next time I had a 16 hour weekend with him. I said YES to every pose, every instruction. I left that workshop floating in bliss.
Now, of course I was in a different place in my life - a lot of things could’ve impacted how I felt. But I KNOW that all the saying NO in the first workshop kept me in a negative headspace where I couldn’t learn. And the saying YES in the second one (even when I couldn’t physically do what he was asking) brought a softness to the whole thing.
Life isn’t as simple as weekend yoga workshops, I get that. It’s not simple or easy to say YES when every cell screams NO. I implore you to try it anyway. Life isn’t going to stop. It’s not going to relent, whether you like it or not. Aligning with life is your best chance for keeping Heart in the hurricane.
That’s the big task: keeping an open heart in an increasingly difficult world. Saying YES is one practice that helps.
Let me know if you try it. I’m here cheering for you.
Those of you familiar with Buddhist philosophy and Tara Brach’s teachings will recognize that Radical Affirmation is very close to the teachings of Radical Acceptance. I met Radical Affirmation in my yoga studies, (particularly with Douglas Brooks ) before I met Radical Acceptance.
Both work. They’re essentially saying the same thing. I personally like the word “Affirmation” because sometimes the leap to acceptance is too big for me - but I can start by saying YES to what’s happening. But if Radical Acceptance works for you, please use it!!
In my coaching practice I help folks learn to align with life and ride the waves. We take a mindfulness-based approach and work on the timeline that best supports you. If you want to know more, let’s have a conversation (it’s free of course) SIGN UP HERE