Spirals and Labyrinths of Change

(Photo by Jean-Luc Benazet on Unsplash)

This spring we’ve explored the change process through an ongoing series of posts.  This week I share about what to do when your old ways come back … even after all your hard work to transform them.

I know, I know, you thought change was over last week.  All tidy and done.

Only, we know better, don’t we. 

Is change ever really finished? 

Sometimes it is.  You move to a new city and start a new job.  You start a business. You retire.  You write your book and send it out into the world.  These kinds of changes require a lot from you but are pretty finite.

But other change, the kind of internal change that we concern ourselves with in yoga or coaching is definitely a process.  One that is ongoing.  Once you start it, you’re in it for good.  There are periods of more intensity and relative quiet.  But it never quite ends.  

Thought I was done with that

Don’t be shocked when some pattern you’ve worked on and thought you’d healed comes back again for a visit.  You’ll be sort of tired and suddenly discover that you’re doing that thing you thought you’d never do again.  Or you’ll have worked your heart out to be a kinder person, but get around your family and now you’re being a jerk again.  Or you’ll notice that every time you stress you start acting like you from ten years ago.  

All of this is normal.  Because change is a natural process, not a mechanical one.  That means it has nuance.  It’s sly.  The habits that you want to change have tendrils that reach into the depths of your ancestry while growing into the future.  Your habits have hiding places you couldn’t even imagine.  Your habits tuck themselves into hidden corners, ready to emerge when you least expect them.

Don’t give up hope when your old ways return.  Instead, think of them as old friends coming for a visit.  The more attentive and curious you are about them the more you can work to transform them… and the faster they’ll settle back down.

The Spiral and the Labyrinth

Two can help folks manage when old habits return…

The first is a spiral.  Imagine a beautiful spiral staircase where you climb upwards towards your authentic self.  Each time you round the bend of the staircase you meet an old habit that you thought you had transformed. 

At first you might feel discouraged and think to yourself “this again !?!”  But if you pay close attention you’ll notice that it’s a little different this time. You’re seeing the pattern from a different angle. You have more experience. You might even have more consciousness and a better ability to deal with it.   

The other image is that of a labyrinth.  It’s the same idea. As you walk the labyrinthine path of your life, you move closer and further from the core challenges of your existence.  Those deeply embedded patterns that are difficult to change will sometimes feel very activated - as you’re walking closer to them in the center of the labyrinth.  At other times they’ll feel very far away - as if you’re on the outer edge of the labyrinth.  It’s natural to move closer to them at times and further from them.  

In both of these images we recognize that our patterns will come back to us at times.  Rather than ever being fully completely transformed we’ll revisit habits throughout our lifetime.  It’s natural to do this over and over again.

Growth and Compassion

The beauty of revisiting is that you can see how much you’ve grown since the last time this pattern showed itself.   Each time you meet it you can bring more attention, curiosity, and consciousness to it.  As you grown throughout your life you can also bring more compassion to your human self who still does that thing.  

Instead of looking for perfection when your old habits return, this is the time to notice how long it takes to get your footing again.  How long did you act like a jerk with your family before you decided to change how you were being.  At first it’ll be hard to regain yourself when an old habit comes up.  But with practice, you’ll learn to shorten the ‘return time’.   There are some patterns that can move through in an instant. 

Less Perfection more Authenticity

That’s what what we’re really going for when we’re looking at transformation on a yogic path.  Not that you become perfect, but that you become real and true to you. 

In that process that you learn to have compassion for yourself and your habits.  You learn to see them and let them move through you so quickly that you return to the present moment and return to yourself in a heartbeat.  

(I mean, yes, yoga does eventually want you to become enlightened… but I think this is part of that process) 

So there we go. If after celebrating your transformation… old ways come back don’t worry.  Just walk your labyrinth.  Move close.  Move far.  And keep on growing into who you actually are.  We need you.