Stay Authentic even when Life’s A.LOT.
(Photo by Jake Melara on Unsplash)
Last weekend was my birthday so I gave myself the gift of a wellness retreat in the Blue Ridge Mountains. When I arrived on Thursday evening I had a lot of charged energy. It was mom energy that wanted to move and make things happen. But, after a few meditations, sit spots and a yoga practice I noticed a real difference. At 3pm on Friday I looked at my phone and realized I wasn’t sitting in my car waiting to drive kids home from school and breathed a sigh of relief.
By the time I drove home on Sunday morning I felt relaxed, at ease, and quiet inside myself. I felt more like me, you know. Feeling that way led to more authentic connections with my friends and family. It carried over into my coaching and teaching this week. Clearly, the retreat worked.
Thank goodness for retreat because life’s been busy. Two school-aged children, a creative husband, a sweet dog, plus coaching, teaching, & practicing keep me on the go all the time. And that’s just the external. There are times when my INNER world is at least as busy and tumultuous as my outer world. I have times when I’m grappling with new insights, trying to integrate difficult parts of myself, or navigating the ongoing grief that comes with being alive on this planet where there is so much suffering. And honestly, it all feels like too much. That’s when I forget my authentic self. I go on auto-pilot, checking off the boxes without much feeling. Eventually I realize there’s too much life and I dream of escape.
Life Keeps Coming
I know you’ve felt this. Life keeps coming and you can’t always get away . For some, life comes so strongly that you can almost never get away. For everyone getting away that isn’t a guarantee that you’ll have a break. Sometimes inner life revs up when there aren’t as many demands from your outer life. Life keeps coming. And, life can be A.LOT.
I feel very privileged that I was able to get away - but the reality is that one weekend away doesn’t change the fullness of my life. So, while it was lovely to be able to relax with Yoga Nidra and catered meals I can’t rely on retreat as the only way to deal.
You Need More Space
Life keeps coming. If we want to stay authentic in the midst of it we need a relationship with what the yogic sages called: akaśa - SPACE.
Space is one of the Mahabhutas - The Great Elements - the building blocks of the universe. You can think of space as outer space, including the far reaches of the universe. But you can also consider the space inside you. Remember, on a purely physical level: you are space. At the center of every atom are particles that circle around empty space. So called “solid” matter is mostly space. It is within everything and surrounding everything. Space is the great element that holds all the others (Earth, Water, Fire, Air in the Tantric Tattva system).
Don’t just clear your calendar
Most of us think that if we could just take a break we’ll feel better. If you’re chronically overscheduled, and super busy that may be true. But also, life keeps coming, so if we want to feel more peaceful we really need to make more space in our minds and bodies.
For example, what really happened for me on retreat was that I re-connected with space. Yes, I set down my responsibilities - but I could’ve easily picked up something else: social media, a good book, anxiety about being in a group with folks I didn’t know. Had I done that I wouldn’t have come home so renewed. Internal space is what made the difference for me. It can do the same for you - even if you’re not on a wellness retreat.
Practices For More Inner Space
Space is invisible so it’s easily forgotten. But here are a few practices to try when life feels like it’s a bit too much.
STEP AWAY FROM YOUR DEVICES
Set your phone down, don’t open the computer or turn on the TV
If needed, set a timer and don’t pick anything up for that amount of time
Bonus points if you go outside while you’re on your screen break
This is less of a practice and more of a life skill. I notice when I have too much time of screens I lose the space for clear thinking or quiet.
BREATHING WITH SPACE
Bring your attention to your breath
Rest attention with your breath for several rounds until you feel more present
Continuing to breathe, imagine your body is hollow and that each breath you take fills it with air
Expand with your inhale, soften and release anything that is filling the hollowness of your body when you exhale
Imagine the boundary of your body - your skin and muscles becoming softer and porous
Notice now that your hollow body is surrounded by space
Space to the left, Space to the right, space behind, space in front, space above, space below
Feel yourself wrapped in space
Breathe space through the porous boundaries of your body - inhaling into the hollow form, exhaling into the space around you
Rest in breath and space for as long as you are able
BREATHING WITH SPACE is easiest when you do it as a meditative practice in stillness and with your eyes closed. But you could attempt it while sitting in traffic or waiting in a line. (Just don’t close your eyes while driving!)
LOOK FOR SPACE
Soften your gaze if it is safe to do so.
Instead of looking at the object or person in front of you, look at the space between you
Notice the furthest object from you and the space between you
To take this to the extreme - gaze up at the night sky and see the space between you and the stars
Remind yourself that this same space is within you
We mostly look directly at the “solid” objects around us. By looking for space (which is invisible) our minds soften and our perception expands
YOGA FOR SPACE
In any yogic posture focus on engaging to lengthen your muscles and expand the space around your joints
Inhale and notice the inner expansion of your lungs and ribcage.
Move and breathe finding more and more space in and around your body
Favorite spacious poses for me: standing crescent, half moon, revolved janu śirsāsana, coming out of a twist and śavasana
Song suggestion for stretching: Little Garden by Ayla Nereo
Your mind and body are never separate. By focusing on space in your body you’ll naturally experience more space in your mind.
The beauty of space is that it holds everything. You are always held; embraced by space. Though things often feel tough, and life keeps coming, remember space is holding the entire universe, surely it can hold everything about you. These practices are intended as simple reminders of the vastness that surrounds and pervades you, always.
Spacious with Life
I’m a life-coach, a meditator, a yogi and still I’ve not managed to stop life from life-ing all over the place. I’ve not yet found a way for life not to be A.LOT some of the time. While I’m definitely still exploring slowing down and divesting from the grind I also know that when I embody space through the practices above I am able to stay more true to my authentic self.
We will never be free from life. But we can live in a more spacious relationship to it - both inside and out. Look for the space, breathe it into you, and soften where you’re contracted. Allow space to free your Heart from its burdens. Then rest back into your most authentic self.
Let space be a prayer and a meditation for you. You are held. You are spacious. May all be well.