Words Caught in your Throat? Try This

(Photo by William Priess on Unsplash)

“Rebecca” was in a meeting with important colleagues when her hands started sweating.  She felt butterflies in her stomach and tension in her jaw.  She wanted to contribute to the discussion.  But every time she was about to open her mouth she felt like the words wouldn’t come. They were stuck in her throat. By the end of the meeting she hadn’t spoken up and was exhausted from the nerves.  

The frustrating part for Rebecca is that she’s been doing a lot of work on herself, and she’s ready to speak up more.  She knows it’s time for her to take a bigger role in her organization and she knows that she can do it.  Only, when the time comes to share her ideas, she gets stuck.

Rebecca is a (fictional) illustration of what happens to a lot of women when they try to speak their truth. Rebecca didn’t speak up, not because she didn’t believe in her ideas, but because she really cares. She wants respect and acceptance from her colleagues. She wants it so much that she gets overwhelmed with worry: ‘Will I say the right thing?’ “Will they think I’m an idiot?” “Do I think I’m an idiot?” “I always mess these things up” “If I bomb, will I ever be invited back?”  All those worries keep her stuck. They make it impossible for her words to flow.  

Out of Center

If you’re worried about what other people think of you your energy is going out instead of staying in.  It’s going to them, and their opinions. When energy goes out, you can’t be in center .

That’s why your body starts giving you cues like a racing pulse, sweaty palms, shorter breaths, and butterflies.  Your body is trying to get your attention and bring you back home. That’s because your body knows what your mind doesn’t: you’ll be more confident and your words will come if you get centered.

Center is in your Body

Center is is something you feel. You embody it. Center is literally IN YOUR BODY, not outside of it.  That means to feel center you need to ground yourself in your physicality and on the Earth.  When you don’t feel it, you can reconnect pretty quickly by bringing your attention from outside to inside. 

In Rebecca’s case, instead of worrying about what her colleagues are thinking, she needs to plant her feet on the floor, notice her breath, and observe the sensations in her body.  When she does, she’ll feel center. Words will follow.

Find Center

If you can relate to Rebecca and you feel your words getting stuck in your throat ask yourself if you are in center. If not, try this:

• Get Grounded 

  • Connect your feet with the floor.

  • If you’re seated, notice your bum in your seat

  • Give in to gravity and notice that you are supported

• Notice Sensation

  • You are sensational, literally

  • Observe the sensations in your body

  • If they seem overwhelming, just focus on your your hands

  • Simply noticing sensation will bring your attention back into your body

• Follow your Breath

  • Breath moves on it’s own, you don’t have to do anything

  • Instead of taking deep breaths, just notice what’s happening

  • You may find out that you’re holding your breath - so relax and let it flow

• Go For It

  • Now, from this more embodied, centered place, connect with what you actually want to share and go for it. 

  • It may still take an inner push to actually say something. But if you’re centered, it’ll be easier.

Take it with you

Honestly, centering is easier said than done when we’re stressed because most of us have spent so much time ignoring our bodies.  Practices like yoga and meditation can help.  When you slow down to savor the delicious feeling of a stretch in triangle pose you relearn how center feels.  When you connect with your breath as you flow through a vinyasa you remember how to get back to center. When you sit quietly and allow strong sensations to rise and fall in your body during a meditation practice you strengthen your connection to center.  Eventually, you’ll carry center with you off the mat or meditation cushion out into your life. With practice it becomes easier to stay in center even when life feels hard. 

That’s good news for those of us who tend to hold back.  By practicing coming to center instead of worrying about what others think, you make yourself ready to speak up. Then when it’s time to share, you can go for it with courage that’s grounded in your body, breath and the true you.  

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Does “Rebecca” sound like you? If so, consider joining Practice Your Truth. It’s an 8-week coaching circle where we practicE exactly the process above - and a lot more. Join the interest list to find out when the next cohort is starting.