Go beyond "I don't know how"

(Photo by Eunice Lituañas on Unsplash)

After last week’s notes on desire I got this question: What if I want to follow my desires, but I don’t know how to make it happen? 

It’s such a great question.  How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something just because you don’t know how to do it?  

“I don’t know how” is one of the favorite excuses in my house.  My kids use it for getting out of everything from emptying the dishwasher to cleaning the bathroom. 

I use it too. When I don’t know how to build the contraption my son has thought up I tell him I don’t know how and he knows that’s the end of the conversation.

Saying “I don’t know how” is a convenient excuse that gets us off the hook for doing stuff we don’t want to do.  

Unfortunately, it’s not helpful when the first thing your brain does when you connect with your heart’s desire is to say: “But, I don’t know how”.  Just saying it shuts down any more dreaming about it.  And then you get stuck feeling like you can’t make any progress towards your desires.  

Luckily, it is possible to get beyond the “I don’t know how” story.  

Ask Yourself

Here are three questions to ask if you’re telling yourself you don’t know how to follow your heart’s desires: 
Do I need more information?
Do I need to start doing something?

Do I need some support?

More Information

If you need more information, technical skill, or know-how it’s pretty easy to find it.  We live in the information age and you’re probably not the first person with this heart’s desire. 

Google it.  Go to YouTube.  Go to the library and find a book.  Ask a friend who already has the know how if she will teach you.  Take a class or a workshop.  Hire a skilled teacher.  Talk to the person in charge.

You do not already need to know how to do this thing.  You just need to be willing to learn.  It’s completely possible for you to learn new skills and information. Get learning.

When my daughter wanted to make friendship bracelets but didn’t know how YouTube came to the rescue.  We found an easy to follow video and now she makes the most beautiful bracelets to share with friends.  

Start Doing Something

Don’t stop with just learning, let the learning take you into DOING.

If you need to start doing in order to make your dream a reality then the best thing you can do is DO.  Your heart probably dreams big. Those dreams feel incredible.  At the same time, they can be pretty daunting.  When its time to start taking steps to make a big dream real, it can feel overwhelming.  And feeling overwhelmed will make you stop.

You might think you need to know all of the steps to your project before you get started.  And you might think you need to know how all of the steps will turn out.  But you don’t need to know so much, you only really need to know a logical starting place.  

Start at the beginning and start small.  Don’t worry about what step 24 will look like. You’ll tackle that when you get there. Ask yourself what’s the next logical step? Do that step and then let the next one appear before you.  I believe that The Universe knows the way and will guide your steps if you trust it.  Over time those small steps add up to big projects or changes.  

One of my yoga teacher clients wanted to teach a yoga workshop. She had a lot to figure out: when, where, who would come, marketing, duration, the sequence, the theme... etc.  It wasn’t as simple as just showing up and teaching a regular weekly class so she stopped herself from doing it.  

When we talked, she realized she was frozen because she was thinking about all of the steps at once.  She knew how to do them all but it was too much at once.  Together we made an action plan that included small steps and moved forward in a logical way.  Simple steps helped her drop the overwhelm and get into action. She followed her plan, adjusted where she needed to and ended up teaching a successful workshop.    After doing it once, she feels more confident to lead another workshop in the future.  

Support

Something else is getting in the way if you’re stopping yourself even if you know what to do and how to do it.  And you can guess that it’s fear.  Fear will put the breaks on you following your desires whenever it has the chance.  That’s what fear does.  It feels huge and daunting on the inside, but in reality it’s pretty boring actually.  It just says “stop” over and over again in very creative ways.  

It would be great to feel fully confident about everything your heart desires, but probably  your heart wouldn’t desire it if it wasn’t at least a little bit (or a LOT) outside of your comfort zone.  So let go of assuming you’ll feel fully confident as you set out towards your desire.  What I’m saying is - you’ll probably feel at least a little bit uncomfortable when you head towards your desires.  

But you can build yourself up so that you don’t need quite so much confidence, by inviting other people in to support you.  Our passion projects really take flight when they have an outside cheerleader.  Be brave enough to tell a kind friend about both your dream and your fears and let her cheer you on when you do the hard things.  

Or find a coach or mentor who can help you get through your fears.  If you’re really caught in your negative stories and fears the cheers of your friend might help but may not be enough.  With a coach or skilled mentor you can learn how to move beyond the negative stories.  When the negative stories aren’t in charge you’ll be able to take action take actions with less fear.

When I taught my first 200hr yoga teacher training I had a coach and my yoga teacher mentor on speed dial.  When my “I’m not good enough” and “I have to do this perfectly” stories came up I picked up the phone.  Having my coach to help me talk through my fears made it possible for me to show up and teach the training with confidence and authenticity.  

Leave “I don’t know how” Behind

“I don’t know how” is a really convenient way to let yourself off the hook for following your desires. But ask yourself if what you need is more information, to get into action, or if you need support. Your answers will help you get out of “I don’t know how” mind and into problem solving and action. Pretty soon, your desires will take shape right in front of your eyes.