What You Want Matters -- Notes on Desire
Your heart keeps calling you to pick up your brushes and paint again. Or you feel the itch to create a beautiful altar. There’s an inner pull to sit outside under the trees and listen to the wind blow.
Even though you so deeply want to follow that deeper pull, you stop yourself. You know these things would be nourishing to your body, mind and heart. You really WANT to do them. But you don’t. Instead you clean the house, or help the kids with projects, then binge on Netflix.
Why women don’t follow their desires
So many women don’t follow their desires because they think they’re not allowed to have them. They’ve learned that having desire is a bad thing.
There are so many layers of judgement, repression, and guilt built around desire in our culture. We learn early on that our desires have no value and they won’t be met. We’re taught that having needs means we’re weak. Needs and desires go hand in hand so desires make us weak too. If we want something we get told that we’re being greedy, and we should be grateful for what we have and not ask for anything more.
Women are taught that pleasure is not ok or is frivolous. And of course, desire starts to sound like sex. Heaven forbid any of us admit to ever wanting sex, thinking about sex, or having sex.
Desire is also a very powerful feeling. We’ve been taught that our power is not ok. And we should be afraid of it.
So instead of risking the disapproval of others, we learn to disappoint ourselves. We push away our desires, go without what we most want. And ignore the deeper yearnings of the heart.
When we ignore our desires we stay small and trapped.
Great for everyone but you.
Consider this, the woman with no desires for herself has plenty of time and energy to help everyone else’s desires come to fruition. She feels obligated to overwork for others, until she gets rundown and resentful. Modern day martyrdom is going on in homes all over the world where women sacrifice their heartfelt desires to the so called greater needs everyone around them. And, everyone is happy with this arrangement because they get what they want... except the woman who’s desires are buried deep inside.
Women dry up when we play the dutiful wife, mother, daughter role. There’s no juice in our lives anymore. There’s no play. There’s no sparkle in our eyes. Inner aliveness disappears. We lose our sensuality and our innate sexuality is tamped down. We become shells of who we could be.
As that aliveness gets dulled we lose our creativity and can’t seem to problem solve for our families or the bigger issues in our communities. Power and life that might have gone towards social change, artistic expression, or companies for the greater good gets diverted, lost. And the world as a whole misses out on what could have been.
Are you ok with this? Because I’m not.
Here’s what I believe when it comes to desire.
Your desire is a super power!
True desire arises from deep inside. It is the way that your heart calls out to you and directs you on your journey of self-discovery, evolution, and contribution to the world. Heartfelt desire is like a compass needle pointing you home to what is healing for you.
True desire points you in the direction of joy health and connection.
Your desires pop up to tell you: You are good enough. You have value. Your life is meant for magic and beauty and JOY!
Heartfelt desire cuts through the mental clutter of what the kids need, what’s going on at work, who’s asking for more from you to get right to the point of what is best for YOU. And you are the most important person here.
And, desire puts you in touch with your innate POWER. We women are powerful beings that can change the way the world works. When you tap into the power of desire it empowers and drives you from the inside.
If you listen to it, your desire will tell you what you to do, when to do it, and how. Use it as a guiding force.
When you remember and honor the importance of desire you affirm your worthiness! You are worthy of your desire! You really are allowed to want. To want things, to want connections, to want experiences. And you are allowed to do what is in your power to make those desires into realities.
Get in touch with your desire
If you’re out of touch with your desires grab a journal and contemplate these questions:
What is my relationship to my desires
What was I taught about desire?
What do I actually believe about desire?
What do I desire in this moment?
Bonus: Set an bell to go off every several hours throughout your day. When it rings, ask yourself: What do I desire right now? Get curious about what’s possible for you to give yourself and do it!
What happens when you follow desire
When you start following your desires, your life changes. You feel more alive. You feel more connected with yourself and those around you. The sparkle in your eye returns along with your natural creativity.
You expand. And you change the world around you.
Just by living with a connection to your heart’s desires you teach your daughters and the women around you that desire is a superpower. They too can tap into it and follow it into greater health, vitality, and fullness.
In the process of following your desires, you change the world. Your home life feels more alive and fulfilling. Your inner circle gets stronger because you and your family are healthier. And your expression - be it art or speaking up for social justice or starting a new company - moves your community towards more health and wholeness.
Women feeling alive, vibrant, and capable, being empowered to follow the guidance of their heart’s desires to change the world for themselves and everyone else is something I am definitely ok with.