A Soft Approach to Overwhelm

(Photo by Riccardo Mion on Unsplash)

This week my family is at the beach enjoying time together before my children start school.  It’s been great, but I’ve been groaning every time I open my email. My inbox always has new or updated back to school messages from two different schools.  And, it’s a lot.

My children’s schools are handling things in different ways.  One child will have a hybrid model, the other will be there every day.  One needs to bring in every school supply you can find, the other will be handed a bag with everything from a math workbook to watercolors.  Both need masks but only one will have to do a temperature check before arrival. 

Nothing about this is normal.  A lot about it feels overwhelming.

And I just don’t want to deal with it.  But of course, not dealing with it is not an option.

Overwhelmed

During the pandemic there are new and important things that we can’t ignore.  I hear from people who are doing new things like: Getting children ready for a virtual or very different school year.  Helping grown children juggle jobs and parenting.  Learning new technology so that they can pivot in their careers.  Recognizing systemic racism and learning how to be part of the change.

None of these can be let go of; they’re too important.  But trying to navigate it can easily leave you feeling overwhelmed.

When you get overwhelmed you may start to ask yourself: How am I going to do this? How can I cope and handle all of these changes when I’m already stretched thin by pandemic living? 

Contracted

You have a choice for how to meet your challenges.  You could fight and struggle against them - which is like wrestling an alligator (I’ve never done that, but it sounds horrible).  You could meet your challenges with resentment.  You could curl up in a ball of fear and stay trembling on the floor.  These are all ways that people contract against and resist the circumstances of their lives. 

When life is hard we easily become hardened to the world around and within us. The contraction is like a turtle pulling back into the protective covering of it’s carapace.  It seems to feel better because you feel a little bit of protection against the realness of life. But the problem is that you can’t selectively pull back or harden yourself.  When you contract, you contract from everyone and everything.  

That means your children lose some part of your warmth and welcome.  Your partner loses part of the dear one who is you.  And even YOU lose the softer, kinder, gentler parts of yourself.  You feel the tightness in your mind and your body.  

REOPENING

When you contract, it’s easy to forget what’s important right now.  That’s why Love must come back into the equation. What if you answered the question of how you’re going to do this with these simple words: I am going to do this with Love?

When you’re overwhelmed, but answer that you are going to meet your life with Love you send a strong message to yourself.  You remind yourself to soften and remember what you value.  

Things like human connection, peacefulness, stability, and physical health are probably high on your list.  And a lot of the ideas that are stressing you out may be less important.  When you recognize that you’re stressed about things that you don’t value, it’s possible to put those worries down. Without all those extra things in your mind, overwhelm starts to disappear too.

Try It: 

• Think of the next thing on your To-Do list (making dinner, folding laundry, attending the Zoom call)

• Ask yourself: How am I going to do {that item}

• Pause and answer very simply: I am going to do it with Love

• Notice your skin softening, your heart opening, and your breathing deepening.  

Then try it when you feel a little more overwhelmed

• When you ask yourself: How am I going to do this?

• Pause and answer very simply: I am going to do this with Love

• Notice how much you soften when you remind yourself to Love your way through your life

Why Love Works

The deeper reason that this works is that Love is always peaceful and spacious.  It can hold anything that life brings you because Love is centered in your Heart and in the present moment.  And in this moment, you can connect with the peace, space, and creativity that you need so that you can do what needs to be done.  

Love reminds you that you are capable.  (remember this post?)  You will figure out how to meet what has come up for you.  It may not be perfect, you might have to ask for help, or even ugly cry while you do it.  But you can and you will do it.  

And you will do it with a lot more peace if you Love your way through.