Let Fear Be Your Fuel
Several years ago I saw an interview with Dame Judi Dench, the actor. She shared that in her earliest years she had horrible stage fright. Every night in the cab on the way to the theater she would be shaking with fright. She said she could never decide if it would be worse for the cab to arrive at the theater or to be in a terrible accident that would keep her from having to go on. She’d get to the theater, body filled with the adrenaline from the fear, and step on stage and give an electrifying performance.
“The fear fuels the whole thing” She said.
That quote sticks with me because I see so many people let fear do the opposite. Many of us feel fear and run the other way. It’s like we find the edge of our comfort zones and decide to stop there rather than risk anything more. This is unfortunate because evolution, growth, transformation, expansion — all of these things happen outside of your comfort zone.
COMFORT ZONES
If you stay in your habits, and the places where you feel comfortable, you’ll deepen your grooves there. Eventually it gets harder and harder to learn new things, try new experiences, or even to stretch your mind beyond what you usually think. (Consider an older person you know who is completely stuck in her ways and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about).
The good news is, you don’t have to terrify yourself to go beyond your comfort zone. Just by stepping a few toes out and feeling a small amount of fear while you try something new you start to expand yourself. There actually is an optimal zone where you are outside your comfort zone, and feeling some fear, but aren’t so terrified that you can’t act. That optimal zone is a sweet spot for learning, expanding your capacities, and dropping old habits.
FEAR AS FUEL
What Judi Dench knew all those years ago is that fear has power! Instead of always using fear to put on the breaks, there are are times when you can use it go fuel you. Fear can give you enough energy to leap out of the comfortable into the unknown. The nervous excitement of trying something new carries a lot of inner heat and vibrancy. When you tune into that it wakes you up and keeps you present. Fear can help you feel ALIVE!
I bring this teaching to yoga classes around Halloween to give students a taste of the power of fear. We practice poses that tend to spook people (usually an inversion, or a hand balance). As fear enters the room, the energy goes up, the excitement goes up, and the focus goes way up. Folks get clear and energized. In that state we PLAY. I’m often amazed to see how far students will go beyond the edges of their comfort zones. And it’s awesome to see their breakthroughs.
Without the nudge to embrace the fear, a lot of students will stop themselves from scary poses. But when you see fear as fuel things change. Courage goes up and so does a willingness to explore. Yoga is a great place to practice because the stakes are low. Messing up in yoga isn’t going to have dire consequences. So when we practice this on the mat, it builds the skill. Then you can do it off the mat with a little more ease.
I’m a really chill person so I know you know I’m not talking about becoming an adrenaline junkie . Don’t go chasing things that are actually dangerous for you. Of course, you have to use your discernment about whether the fear actually SHOULD stop you. Then…STOP!
AFRAID OF THE AUTHENTIC LIFE
But I’ll tell you. The reason so many women stop themselves from living their authentic lives is because of fear. They’re afraid that they’ll rock the boat. They’re afraid to speak their needs. They’re afraid it’ll be too risky and they won’t get the result they want. And, you know, all of that is reasonable.
The problem that keeps any of us from living an authentic life isn’t the fear itself. It’s the relationship we have with fear. What if instead of seeing fear as a reason to stop, you held it in Love, letting it tell you when something is outside your comfort zone and therefore important to pay attention to. What if you let that Love/Fear combo give you the boost you need to GO into the mystery, to try new things… to expand yourself.
ANOTHER WAY
I’ll tell you what happens when you embrace your fear and move forward - (I’m doing it now… and I’m watching my clients do this too) - you expand who you are. You step more and more into your authentic life. And you live a life that isn’t stalled by fear. You let your fear fuel your transformation. And your transformation empowers you to live a life infused with Love (even when it feels scary!)