We Can Do Better Than Greeting Card Love
(Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash)
My friend, “Jess” (not her real name) recently got out of a long relationship. Along with feeling sad about the break-up she’s also stressing herself out. She’s worried that she’s never going to love or be loved again. And now, Valentine’s Day is coming, with all the chocolate, cards, flowers, and jewelry and it feels like a gut punch when she’s already down.
GREETING CARD LOVE
Of course, you know what I’m going to tell you. Jess’s problem isn’t that she doesn’t have a new sweetheart, it’s that she’s bought into the one-size fits all greeting card image of Love. Everybody tells you that you’re supposed to have a special someone, and that you’re nothing without that person. And, the thought goes that beyond that special person there are only a few others who should be loved. They mostly include the people in our families - parents, children, grandparents, grandchildren… and maybe extended family.
Problem is, that’s a really limited vision for the vastness of Love.
MORE THAN ROMANCE
Luckily, things are starting to change. More people are celebrating their single-dom and the power of self-love. And alternatives like Galentine’s Day are appearing to remind us that friends can be a great source of love.
I use the word love to talk about how I feel for the ocean and nature. I’ve loved some of my teachers very dearly. I feel love for my students and clients. I even love great pieces of music or works of art. Things that speak to my soul draw me to say I love them. Plus there’s chocolate. And sometimes I even talk about the Mystery as something I love.
The point is, as long as we’re letting jewelry store ads sell us love, we’re missing out on something much bigger.
UNIVERSAL LOVE
In the view of great teachers through the ages, Love is much more than can be boxed up and sold in a marketing campaign.
Love is a universal force. It is independent, freestanding, and always available. “Love dances within the emergence and movements of the immense galaxies soaring through space-time, just as it does at the most minute levels of the sub atomic realms.” writes Bill Mahony in his exploration of a yogic text on the nature of Love.
He shares more by writing: “The Love that stands within all of existence is the ultimate source of our own human sentiments of love in all its forms.” From this view, when you feel love for a person or chocolate you’re actually sharing in Universal Love.
Love is always within you and surrounding you, holding you. Even if you don’t feel it.
HOW TO FEEL IT
The big picture is so beautiful, but most of us don’t feel Universal Love all that often. And without it, it seems like something is missing. So as Rumi says: “Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it”
To really feel Universal Love, you need to step away from the cultural packaging that limits you, and open up to love coming in from many people and experiences.
So, my friend Jess is learning to lean into people and places where she does feel Love. Her sister has shown up in her life in a new and supportive way. She has friends from her job she is growing closer to. Walking by the river she finds a kind of solace that she used to only know when she talked with her beloved. And, even cooking and eating nourishing food feels like Love now. Slowly, she’s tapping into a bigger feeling of Love than she’s ever known. And it shows. Her step is lighter and she smiles more. She laughs more easily.
The cool thing is, none of this excludes her from getting into a new romance when the time is right. She thinks she will want to explore being in relationship again someday. But this time when she starts dating it won’t be because she’s desperate to find love to complete her. It will be because she’s overflowing with love and ready to share.
You might be in a long term relationship, you might be single, your relationship status might be “complicated”, but you don’t have to accept love as only coming in romantic relationships. All of us can stand to bring more Love into our lives. Let’s widen our view.
TRY THIS
Write an Unconditional Love Letter
Take some quiet time to yourself with some paper and your favorite writing tools
Write a Love letter to Everything you Love
It can be a simple list, of what you love and why or it could be deeply poetic
Mine tends towards the playful:
oh chocolate, I love your dark rich sweetness
dear water, I love how you flow around the rocks in your path
Whatever it is, let it flow and make it long. Make sure to include YOURSELF
Bask in the uplifting feeling of Love that flows through you as you bring each person or item to mind
When you’ve fished your letter, share it:
Read it at the dinner table or to a friend.
Post it on social media or send it to me in an email.
Because Love is a Universal force, it grows when we share it.
Your open heart opens hearts. And that’s a good thing.
STAY OPEN HEARTED
As we go into this weekend being beaten over the head with all the trappings of Valentine’s Day, remind yourself that Love is bigger than what the ads can sell. Open yourself to Love from any and every angle. And offer your loving heart to all the things and people you feel affection towards.
You will end up feeling more confident in yourself no matter your relationship status. And you’ll be more centered in the depth of your Heart. All of it translates to being more peaceful and loving in the world.
I quoted from Bill’s Book Exquisite Love: Heart-Centered Reflections on the Narada Bhakti Sutra in this article.