The Myth that Keeps You Closed Off
(Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash)
When I came back from a yoga immersion in 2019 it felt like the whole world was shimmering. Every bird in the trees sang just for me. Every flower bloomed with the most magnificent beauty I’d ever seen. Every car that passed was driven by my new best friend. My children were more precious to me. My husband more dear.
I was saturated with delight and deep love for this world, everyone, and everything.
And the thing about it was, it felt completely natural. I wasn’t faking and I couldn’t stop feeling so open even if I’d tried. It felt like this was how I should always feel. And that my normal low level irritation, anxiety, and disconnection were somehow a dream. This felt like waking up.
BORN OPEN
Most people are born wide open to this new world. We come in ready to love and be loved.
But as we grow, life happens. Even if we grow up in the best circumstances, we learn through experience that being so open can sometimes cause trouble. Not everyone is as in love with life or with us, as we are. And that can lead to heartbreak, big and small. Through this process we start to embody the myth of separation
It’s the greatest myth ever told: You are separate from me.
THE MYTH OF SEPARATION
In yoga philosophy* this myth is one of the malas - coverings of the Heart. The mala that causes us to believe that we’re separate is called: mayiya mala. It’s there to make sure we believe we are separate from others and from Consciousness. The separation can be a good thing when it helps us express our personal magic and make our mark on the world. But usually we’re caught in the negative side of separation.
At its worst, separation is what allows for war, destruction of the planet, and racism. On a more personal level, it can show up as things like feeling lonely, thinking you’re too different, being closed off or feeling small. When you feel that way you’ll tend to withdrawal from other people even further - which perpetuates feelings of loneliness. The longer you spend believing in your separateness, the worse you feel. Then it gets even harder to reconnect with yourself, others, and Consciousness.
IT’S NOT TRUE
The thing is, separation is fake news. It’s just not true. On a very human level, we all breathe the same air, apparently we’ve been drinking the same water the dinosaurs drank, and we walk on the same planet subjected to natural forces like gravity- we aren’t separate.
And from the yoga philosophy perspective that I study*, we’re all manifestations of the One. The One Consciousness chooses to become each of us - while at the same time maintaining its Oneness. In this view, we’re not separate, but we are having unique human experiences so that Oneness can experience life as each of us.
This is important because it means that when you feel disconnected or lonely you’re not actually separate or alone. It just means you’ve just gotten out of alignment with truth. The disconnected times are false. The open, connected, free times - the times when you wildly love everyone - are when you are closest to your true self.
FROM SEPARATE TO CONNECTED
The word ‘yoga’ describes the state of union with Consciousness. So, practicing yoga, in its many forms, is a great way to move from separation into connection.
Physical practice is nice because it creates harmony within by syncing your body, breath, mind, and heart. In asana, deep experiences of physical and mental integration can give way to connection with Consciousness. This is especially true if you set the intention to have a spiritual experience and if you work with a teacher who helps hold that intention. Also, if your teacher has a strong personal connection with Consciousness, you can draft off their connection as you build your own. Any great teacher should continuously point the way for you to build and maintain your own connection with Consciousness.
Another way to move from separation into connection is through community. I don’t mean just a bunch of people who happen to be in the same place at the same time (like a PTA meeting). I mean a deeper experience of open sharing and compassionate listening. When we share in true community we learn very quickly to see ourselves in others. We notice that we all struggle with the same things, even if it comes with different circumstances.
When true community forms around yoga practice it helps everyone move from separation into connection. The whole community grows in Consciousness, openness and Love.
TRY THIS TO RECONNECT:
The next time you feel disconnected or lonely, remind yourself that separation is not the truth of who you are. In fact, you are connected to all of everything.
Use this micro-yoga practice to reconnect:
Stand comfortably with your arms by your side
Inhale, circle both arms to the side and up overhead, join your palms at the top
Exhale, bring both hands together in front of your heart, Pause and Inhale
Exhale, release both arms by your side
If you wish, add these affirmations to your movement
Inhale arms up: I am connected to all beings
Exhale hands to Heart: I am centered in Love
Release arms to your side: I release anything that keeps me separate
Repeat 5 or 10 times until you feel your body, mind, and heart sync up with each other and the affirmations taking root.
IN LOVE WITH LIFE
As an adult, some part of you longs to be as open-hearted and loving as you were when you were little. When you feel lonely or disconnected, you can bet that you are believing in separateness. And that’s ok. Most of us are deeply entrenched in the myth of separation. (In fact, I don’t trust anyone who’s completely in “Love and Light” all the time - they seem to be missing some groundedness) The great thing is, once you catch on that you’re caught in separation you can do something to move yourself back into connection.
Think of separation as part of the process that reminds you to reconnect with the real truth, the truth of oneness. Practicing yoga and joining in community can help. With practice ,you can spend more time embodying connection. Then you can live as the true you - open hearted, welcoming, and in deeply in love with life.
Notes:
*The yoga philosophy I study the most is called: Non-Dual Shaiva Tantra. I am forever a student.
It’s important to recognize the difference between the natural low-level feelings of disconnection that come with adult living and the stronger more debilitating feelings of severe loneliness that accompany clinical depression or other mental health challenges. These suggestions are meant for moderate, low days - not chronic or emergency circumstances. If you are seriously struggling, please seek help.