Stop Suffering from your Outdated Beliefs
Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash
Every time I open my yoga pants drawer I have a mini-freak out. I’m wondering if my pants will fit. Then once I get them on I start worrying if they will be comfortable or will they cut off my breath so it’s hard to get the words out?
My body has changed during the pandemic. I’ve gained weight and lost muscle. It turns out that I don’t like to strength train at home. I do, however, like to eat trail mix. The outcome is that my clothes still fit, but they fit differently.
Changes in my body are neutral. They’re not good, they’re not bad. They just are.
I DON’T LIKE IT
But, my brain isn’t treating them like they’re neutral. Nope. The changes really bother me… like, really, really, really bother me. And as much as I’d like not to judge my body based on how it looks, I’m not there yet.
It sucks that how I’m thinking about my body doesn’t reflect my values and causes me suffering. On one hand, I know that my body shape and size are not reflections of my worth, capability, or inherent beauty. But on the other, I’m stuck in the old cultural belief that skinny and toned are better than curvy and soft for me.
Some days I’m very stuck in the old thinking. Other days I’m completely fine. That’s because my beliefs are transitioning.
OLD BELIEFS AND NEW
I see this all the time with coaching clients. They want to believe something. They know from a logical place that the new belief is more in line with who they are becoming. Unfortunately, some part of them still believes the old thing which keeps them stuck and stressed.
What’s happening is a conflict between old and new beliefs. When you’re evolving, your beliefs change. There’s a time of overlap where old and new beliefs tangle with each other. Unless you’re working very consciously, you may feel ungrounded when this happens because you never know which one’s gonna run the show that day.
It can feel like you’re bouncing around like a ping-pong ball. One day it’s simple to live the new beliefs, and it’s like you’ve forgotten the old ones. But another day, you’re tired and the kids have been acting up, and it’s like the new belief never existed. You’re back being the old self from 10 years ago. Only, it’s worse because 10 years ago you didn’t know any better. Now you’ve had a taste of your new self and being in the old self feels horrible.
Yeah. It’s no fun.
A GOOD SIGN
It’s also a really good sign that you’re on the right track. When you feel massively uncomfortable with your old beliefs, your transformational process is working! If it wasn’t you’d go back to the old ways and feel great. But, if you go back to old beliefs and they feel crappy, you know that the new ones are taking root.
The more times you catch on that you’re caught in an old belief and then consciously turn to a new one, the stronger the new belief becomes. There’s a period of time during your transformation, when you actively work at it. You choose the new. And by doing it over and over you embed within you. Slowly you start to live it.
Here are some ways to support the new beliefs as you work to bring them into your life.
SUPPORT NEW BELIEFS
1. FIND THE EVIDENCE
At the foundation, your struggle is built into your belief system. By changing your thinking, you can change how you respond. Two things that help change thinking are increasing the evidence for the new thought and decreasing the evidence for the old. As a coach, I do a lot of this with my clients
With my irritation about changes in my body I have to increase evidence for new beliefs - One thing I’m learning to believe is: my body shape and size are not the most important things about it - The evidence is as close as my heart beating, my lungs breathing, my ability to move, and think and practice yoga. If I can continue to do those things even if I weigh more than I did 12 months ago, then obviously my body shape and size are not as important as my old self would have me believe.
At the same time I decrease evidence for my old beliefs - if I believe that I’m unloveable if I’m a little more curvy, or that yoga students will stop coming to class - All I have to do is feel the love from my family, and watch who shows up on Zoom to know that neither of those thoughts are true.
Try This: Notice if you’re building up the old way of thinking or the new one. Don’t feed yourself more information that holds up the old beliefs. Go looking for evidence of the new and stack the mental deck in your favor. It will help.
2. CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT
Your environment contributes to your belief system and is a reflection of it (she says, as she notices the huge mess on her desk - but that’s for another blog post) As you’re anchoring in new beliefs, it’s useful to change things in your environment to reflect the new instead of the old.
I can’t get away from bodies, so I have to be conscious about the bodies I see, and the messages I read. I get very particular about my instagram feed. I choose to follow a wide range of yoga practitioners so that I see lots of different bodies practicing yoga. I see real people doing real practice. And I’ve let go of any accounts that make consistently make me feel bad about my body.
Try This: Look around your space, including your digital space and clear away anything that reflects the old pattern that you’re trying to drop. Bring in more things that highlight the new. You’d be surprised at how supportive this will feel.
3. TALK TO A FRIEND
Nothing builds resilience like having other people that are cheering you on. Tell a friend what you’re working on. Share with a co-worker or get a coach to help you through. When you don’t feel alone in your transformative work you have more strength to begin again when you are challenged.
I have a few friends I can share openly with about my body beliefs. When I do, I am seen, heard, validated and supported. Some of my friends are further along in the journey than me. So I also get the benefit of learning from their experiences.
Try This: Do you have a friend that embodies the new belief you’re working on. Have a phone call or schedule a walking date. Don’t be afraid to bring it up in conversation. People are hungry for meaningful connection. Talking about it will help you both and strengthen your friendship.
4. PRACTICE
Every time an old belief rears its head is an opportunity to practice turning towards the new one. As many times as it takes, consciously choose the new belief and “live as if” you believed it. This is like “fake it till you make it” but it really about practicing being who you want to be in the world. It isn’t fake, if you’re embodying your actual belief.
With my body, I practice yoga as a way to remember that my size and shape don’t matter. When I step on the yoga mat it’s just me, my body, and my breath. If my body is different than before, it’s a new adventure, not a problem. I also catch myself when I start negative self talk about my body and do my best to shift to another train of thought.
Try This: Practice living as if you 100% believe the new ideas. How would you be different? How would you dress? How would you act? Try it for half a day and see how it feels. It could be quite a magical experience for you.
5. BE THE CHANGE
When you practice embodying new healthy beliefs, you become a catalyst for change for others. I know, you’re not doing it for anyone else. But because we are interconnected you can’t help but influence people around you.
Being the change is scary for me. The old belief me wants me to share really old photos where my body looks how I think it should look. But, new belief me wants to embody that it’s ok to show exactly who I am. Old belief me wants me to delete this post before I share it. New belief me knows it’s important to be real with you.
To be the change I’m taking new pictures and not shying away from writing this post. Sharing the photos on my instagram offers whoever sees them some truth. They get to see a body that’s perfectly imperfect and yet is still loved and valued. Research shows the more times we see images that go against old cultural norms, the more the norms change.
Try this: Be the change by sharing the new, true you. You might want to shout from the rooftops and start a revolution. You might just want to show up as authentically as possible in your next Zoom meeting.
IT’S A PROCESS
It’s completely natural to go through ups and downs as you integrate new beliefs. It’s just part of the transformational process. Try one or more of these tips and see how they support you. Whether it’s a change in your environment or a talk with a trusted friend, finding ways to anchor your new beliefs will go a long way in keeping you grounded as you grow. Soon you’ll be saying goodbye to old beliefs running your life . And you’ll stand confidently as the new true you.