worry keeping you muted? Here’s what to do

Rebecca was in a Zoom meeting with important colleagues when her hands started sweating.  She noticed butterflies in her stomach and tension in her jaw.  She wanted to contribute to the discussion.  But every time she thought about unmuting, she stopped herself.  By the end she hadn’t spoken up and was exhausted from the nerves.  

The frustrating part for Rebecca was that she’s mentally ready to come out of hiding.  She knows it’s time for her to take a bigger role in her organization and she knows that she can do it.  Only, when the time comes to share her ideas, she gets stuck.

If you’re someone who tends to hide in plain sight, I’m sure you can relate to Rebecca.

Rebecca is a (fictional) illustration of what I wrote about last week: Hiding because you’re worried about what others think about you. Rebecca didn’t speak up, not because she doesn’t believe in her ideas, but because she wants respect and acceptance from her colleagues. She wants it so much that she worries about how they will respond to her.  The worry keeps her muted.  

OUT OF CENTER

If you’re worried about other people’s thoughts then you’re not centered in yourself.  Your energy is going out instead of staying in.  You can’t possibly be in your center when your energy is in your thoughts and flying out to everybody else.

Your body knows what your mind doesn’t; that you’ll be more confident and peaceful if you get centered.  That’s why your body starts giving you cues like a racing pulse, sweaty palms, shorter breaths, and butterflies.  Your body is trying to get your attention and bring you back home.

CENTER IS IN YOUR BODY

Center is IN YOUR BODY, not outside of it.  That means to feel center you must ground your your attention and presence in your physical being.  To come back to center you simply need to bring your attention from outside to inside.  In Rebecca’s case, instead of worrying about what her colleagues are doing, she needs to plant her feet on the floor, notice her breath, and observe the sensations in her body.  When she does, she’ll feel more centered, ready to unmute.

FIND YOUR CENTER

If you’re worrying about what everybody else is thinking and it’s keeping you in hiding, take these steps to come back to center:

• Get Grounded 

  • Connect your feet with the floor.

  • If you’re seated, notice your bum in your seat

  • Give in to gravity and notice that you are supported

• Notice Sensation

  • You are sensational, literally

  • Observe the sensations in your body

  • If they seem overwhelming, just focus on your your hands

  • Simply noticing sensation will bring your attention back into your body

• Follow your Breath

  • Breath moves on it’s own, you don’t have to do anything

  • Instead of taking deep breaths, just notice what’s happening

  • You may find out that you’re holding your breath - so relax and let it flow

• Unmute

  • Now, from this more embodied, centered experience, connect with what you actually want to share and go for it. 

  • It may still take an inner push or leap of faith to actually unmute.  If you’re centered before you try, it’ll be a little easier.

Take it with you

Because in our culture we’ve spent so much time habitually ignoring our bodies, centering is easier said than done in high stress moments.  Practices like yoga and meditation can help.  When you slow down to savor the delicious feeling of a stretch in triangle pose you relearn how center feels.  When you connect with your breath as you flow through a vinyasa you remember how to get back to center. When you sit quietly and allow strong sensations to rise and fall in your body during a meditation practice you strengthen your connection to center.  

Eventually, you’ll carry center with you off the mat or meditation cushion out into your life. With practice it becomes easier to stay centered even when life feels hard.  That’s good news for those of us who don’t know how to come out of hiding.  By consciously returning to center instead of allowing your mind to get caught in worry about others, you ready yourself to take the leap into speaking up.  Then when it’s time to unmute, you can go for it with courage that is grounded in your body, breath and the true you.  

In the last few weeks, posts have focused on when we hide in plain sight, and how to start coming out. Click to read about how to work through worrying about other’s opinions or self criticism that keep you in hiding.