Take off your Invisibility Cloak
(Photo by Joshua Duneebon on Unsplash)
Recently I was getting to know someone and they asked what music I like. For some reason my skin started to crawl. My belly clinched and my throat felt like it was closing up. I felt like I’d rather hide under Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak than answer.
I know. It’s such a simple question. What’s with the disappearing act?
Like most people, I feel deeply connected to music. But also like most people, I’ve been teased about my musical choices in the past. It’s a normal part of being in a family or group of friends. Unlike some people though I tend to take this kind of teasing to heart. Music feels deeply personal to me. And anything that feels deeply personal to me, also feels like it needs protection. Being made fun of in the past made me want to hide my music to keep me safe from teasing.
When I sat across from this new friend I wanted to make a connection. On a deeper, subconscious level I also worried that whatever I said wouldn’t be cool enough. That my friend would laugh or turn away. And that instead of growing our friendship, we’d move further apart.
I cared. So instead of feeling open I wanted to go into hiding. Sound familiar?
WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF ME?
Last week I wrote about hiding because of a strong inner critic that keeps tearing you down from the inside out.
Another big reason you might be hiding is because you’re worrying about what other people think and say about you. Like everyone else, you can remember times when you were laughed at or made fun of because of something you said or did. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable. Some people seem to let those things roll off their backs. But others feel them deeply. Those hurts stick around and make you worry that it’ll happen again.
If those old hurts stuck around, it’s possible that you hide now because you’re worried others will push you away. So, by hiding, you push yourself away before they have the chance to do it.
The “good side” of this kind of hiding is that it lets you stick around in the group. That’s why you do it. But it comes at a cost.
HIDING IS EXHAUSTING
Hiding is exhausting and uncomfortable. You have to keep your guard up all the time. It’s draining because it feels like one slip could mean social disaster and being shunned. You never get comfortable because you never get to be the real you. That discomfort keeps you feeling lonely and distant from everyone.
The experts say that social interaction is an important way to complete the stress cycle and beat the mental health challenges that are prevalent during the pandemic. But if you're stressing because you feel like you have to hide when you’re with others, you won’t get those benefits.
So what can you do?
IT’S TIME
My friend, it’s time to take off your invisibility cloak.
Scary as it may seem, it is time to bring the real you out of hiding. You have this particular magic to you that no one else has. It’s who you were put here to be. When you’re hiding, your magic is hidden too. By sharing even the smallest simplest thing about yourself, you free up that magic. With more access to your magic, you feel more like yourself.
Being yourself is THE BEST. It’s the foundation of self-confidence, flow, and presence. It carries peace, groundedness, and ease. When you’re really out of hiding, you can embody your magic and all that it brings with it.
START SMALL
If you’ve been hiding for a long time, even thinking about coming out can feel really scary. So I recommend that you do it in a way that you can handle. Here’s how…
Start small and easy. Think of coming out of hiding less like ripping off a bandage and more like a flower beautifully blossoming in spring.
Think of someone who you know to be kind and a good listener
Share something simple about yourself with them that you might usually keep to yourself. You’re not confessing your deepest dreams or trauma, keep it manageable as you’re first exploring how this goes.
Notice what happens
If you want to talk a little more because you got a supportive response, go for it
If not, drop it and move on
REPEAT, try it over and over again with different people and start building a web of connections
Remember my example with my friend at the beginning? Well, I admitted to really enjoying Taylor Swift and other 20 - 30 something women singer/songwriters. My friend wasn’t a fan, but listened attentively. And that’s all that really matters. We had a brief moment of connection that built my confidence in our friendship.
Think of these mini-revelations like a bouquet of flowers that you’re delivering to people. In this case, they’re getting one flower at a time. The more flowers you deliver, the more the bouquet grows. As you slowly come out of hiding, you build your confidence. And, the more you share, the more you claim your magic.
IT’S A PROCESS
Taking off your invisibility cloak is a process. At first it will feel awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe the words won’t come out the way you meant, or you’ll transition into the conversation in a weird way. You’ll most likely feel exposed or vulnerable after the conversation ends. This is all really normal. Stick with it. The more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be with revealing little bits about yourself. And that’s good because…
Sharing the small things lays the groundwork for no longer hiding your bigger struggles. Overtime you may find that your relationships slowly deepen until you feel comfortable sharing something hard that you’d usually keep hidden. Open sharing with people who’ve earned the right to hear your story is what builds strong relationships, ones where you can be you in all your magic. Slow but steady practice at coming out of hiding is what will get you there.
YOU’RE WORTH IT
You deserve a life where you feel confident to be YOU. You deserve a life where your magic shines forth without restraint. That’s what’s waiting for you when you get brave enough to take off your invisibility cloak. So take it slow and manageable. Remember that it will probably be uncomfortable at first. But go for it - the world is waiting and we can’t wait to SEE YOU!
Feeling stuck as you try to take off the invisibility cloak? Be sure to go back and read last weeks’s post: Come out of Hiding. Next week we’ll talk about how you can use your BODY to help you through the awkward first moments.