Lessons from 20 years on the mat: #2 You are Worthy
This summer marks my 20th year practicing yoga. What started in the basement of an office building has become a journey that I never could’ve imagined . In celebration, I’m sharing the biggest lessons that 20 years of yoga has taught me in the hopes that they support you on your yoga journey.
LESSON #2: You Are Worthy
When I was in my teens and 20s I was on a kind of Worthiness marathon. I did everything I could think of to prove to the people around me that I was worthy. I overworked in school and then in my first jobs. I over exercised and under ate (or binged). I morphed my personality, food choices, music choices and clothing choices to match what the people around me liked -whether I was comfortable or not. And though I did know who I was, I usually didn’t feel like she was the person I wanted to bring out at parties. As you can imagine, I was miserable most of the time. Moderately depressed and definitely negative.
I didn’t know it then, but what was lacking when I was in my teens and 20s wasn’t something outside of me. It was a sense of worthiness on the inside. All of that pushing to prove something was coming from feelings of lack - like something was missing. All of that changing who I was so that I could fit in was coming from the false belief that there was something not good enough about the real me.
FEELING UNWORTHY
I know I’m not the only one, most of us experience feelings of unworthiness. This American culture (where I’m based) is built on comparison, judgement, and measuring up. You’ve got to have all the right things to be worthy. Frankly it’s impossible to meet every ridiculous standard all the time. And so, most folks are left feeling unworthy - which, you know, sucks.
I might have stayed in unworthiness forever, except for two things. First, I lucked in to excellent parents who always made it clear that I was loved for who I was not for my achievements (even if education is super important). And second, I met yoga. I think I would’ve suffered in unworthiness for a lot longer without yoga. But luckily, the seeds that my parents planted, found the nourishment they needed once I got into the yoga studio, and my feelings of worthiness really bloomed.
YOGA AND WORTHINESS
A few things are at work in yoga practice that help shift unworthiness to worthiness.
First, all are welcome. I was a 20-something in a room of “adults”. I wasn’t too young to be there. None of my classmates were too old either. All of us were there and all of us were treated equally by our teacher. We were given kind and supportive feedback and never judged or ridiculed by her. That laid a foundation of feeling seen and worthy of being there.
I know not everyone has this experience. Folks, especially people of color, have felt just as alienated in yoga studios as they have felt in other places. So, let’s keep working on it to make yoga spaces welcoming for everyone.
Second, the yoga philosophy of inherent worthiness. There are many schools of yoga philosophy, some of which express that being a human is a bad thing. But the one that my practice has most been informed by teaches that being alive is a great thing. It teaches that you’re not a mistake. You’re not a problem, you’re a gift. The reminder here is that worthiness doesn’t have to be earned, you’re born with it.
For many years I studied with teachers who repeated this back to me over and over again. They showed me my worthiness by how they treated me in their classrooms or programs. And it seeped into my bones, how could it not?
Finally, meeting yourself over and over on the mat gives a kind of resilience that supports feelings of worthiness. You’ll hear and think that you are worthy. But you still might not feel it. By coming to your mat and embodying it, you start to put it in your cellular experience.
Sometimes when you come to yoga you feel great and it’s “easy” to do everything the teacher offers you. Sometimes when you come to yoga you don’t feel so great and all the poses feel hard. The thing is, if you show up over and over again, you start to realize that achieving the pose is not really the point. What is the point is the showing up and being with yourself. That helps you let go of the false belief that you have something to prove if you’re going to be worthy. Instead it instills the embodied experience of being worthy no matter what. You can spend your entire class in child’s pose or dissolved in tears (I’ve seen it happen) and you are still worthy. Years of experiences of worthiness no matter what on the mat, changes your relationship to worthiness in the world.
GROUNDED IN WORTHINESS
After 20 years on the mat I don’t really question my worthiness they way I did before yoga. Yes, I still fall into old habits of trying to overachieve, or to prove myself to the people around me. But I catch myself when it happens and I don’t beat myself up over it. Now I feel more settled in who I am. More confident to be myself and less interested in trying to be someone I’m not. It’s a good feeling to know without a doubt that I AM worthy, no matter what. And it’s one I hope you’ll find as well.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Brene Brown and I hope you’ll drink it in because I believe this is true for every single one of us
“Worthy Now. Not if. Not when.
We are worthy of love and belonging right now.
Right this minute. As is.”
If you struggle with worthiness I strongly recommend you check out Brene Brown’s work.
I’d also love to support you through yoga and coaching. It’s really hard to keep unworthiness going when you’re being encouraged and supported to leave it behind. Let’s talk soon.