But It's Hard to Come Home to my Body

(Photo from my early yoga days)

I’ve always been pretty happy in my body. Starting in 4th grade I spent hours in dance classes and rehearsals.  Though I liked being on stage, I really was there for the moving more than the performing. I loved feeling the music and moving my body in ways that felt good.  

When I transitioned into yoga the joy of being in my body deepened.  Over time, yoga took away the performance and perfectionism aspects of moving my body and left me completely in the experience.  Even on rough days, coming home to my body is a grounding, peaceful, and mostly joyful experience.  So, I’ve always been pretty happy in my body.  

But I wasn’t always happy WITH my body.  Dancing and growing up in our culture brought some pretty hefty body image baggage.  I was tall for a dancer and heavy, so I could never measure up. I beat myself up for it.  I was harsh on myself, always calling my body names. Shaming myself was a regular practice.  I saw my body as as never being right or good enough.  Plus, I was super uncomfortable in my body when I was in public where other people might see me.  So, forget wearing a bikini on vacation, or dressing in any way that might bring attention to myself. It really sucked.

NOT THIS BODY

In my last post I encouraged you to come home to your body as a way to deal with .. you know, life..  Coming home to your body can bring you peace, ease, and even more energy.  It sounds really great, but I know it’s easier said than done.

One of the main reasons women struggle to come home to their bodies is because they’re judging them.  They look at their bodies from the outside and don’t like what they see.  Either they’re too tall or too short, they’re too fat or too slim, too soft or too bulky.  Whatever it is, women look from the outside in and make a judgement based on meaningless cultural standards.  The judgement stops them from coming home to their bodies. 

It’s really too bad, because I believe an embodied life is incredibly fulfilling.  It feels rich and alive.  You feel like you’re really living.  But to have an embodied life, you’ve got to be IN YOUR BODY.  And that starts with improving your relationship with it.

COME HOME NOW 

Coming home to your body means coming home to the body you’re actually in.  Not to a different one. But, why would you want to come home to your body if you’re telling yourself that it’s a horrible place? Here’s something you might not realize if you’re busy tearing down your body. The problem isn’t with your body, it’s with your mind.

Judging and negativity isn’t actually a body level problem, it’s a mind level problem.  What you tell yourself about your body has a huge impact on how you feel about it. And that changes your relationship with it. If you judge your body you end up feeling stressed, frustrated or defeated. When you feel that way, you don’t want to come home.  

If you slow down and really rest you’ll remember that your body is perfectly imperfect exactly as it is…. That means, if there’s a problem, it’s with what your mind not your body.  

TELL YOURSELF THE TRUTH

It’s one thing to know that your mind is getting in the way of you coming home, and quite another to know what to do about it. (And, caveat here, I know body image is a huge topic, not one I will solve in a single blog post.) But if you catch on that you are judging, it’s possible to interrupt the judging mind and feed it something else. I’m not talking about wishful thinking or ungrounded affirmations that don’t include any truth. No, I’m talking about being very clear with your mind when it comes to talking about your body. The tool that has helped me stop judging my body is simple but effective.

Try this:

When you notice you are judging your body by thinking (or saying) something negative about it.

Example: My body is too…  (fill in your judgement here) 

Change to this simple statement: I have a body.

The beauty of saying “I have a body” is that it’s neutral.  It’s not a judgement at all. And it’s not trying to sweet talk the brain into being kinder (like switching to; “My body is beautiful” even if you don’t feel like it is).  The other thing is, it’s true. Our judgements are subjective.  They’re not true at an absolute level.  When you tell yourself something true, it stops judgement from taking over and lets your mind relax.  If your mind relaxes enough, you can start to come back home to your body.  

A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BODY

I know from my own life that your relationship with your body can be healed.  After many years of being harsh on myself, I slowly learned to catch the judgements and move towards truth.  Over time, I’ve come into a much deeper peace within myself - one that lets me enjoy a beautiful relationship with my body.  Let’s be honest too, sometimes I still get down on my body.  I still judge it.  That might never go away. But the point is that I catch myself, slow down, and return to what’s real.  I have a body.   It is perfectly imperfect just as it is. And that’s what’s true.  Settling into the truth feels peaceful.

It’s important that we rebuild our relationships with our bodies, because we need them as safe haven to come home to when the storms of life are raging.  (Also I think we’d all be much happier in general if we could be kinder to our bodies).  Don’t let your judgements keep your from coming home. 

The truth is YOU HAVE A BODY.  

Let that truth settle in and turn back towards it. Come home to your body.  Come home to yourself.  That’s where you’ll find the grounded confidence you need in order to be authentically you in the world.