Why your mind/body relationship struggles & what to do about it
(Photo by Matteo Vistocco on Unsplash)
You’ve done it, you’ve started coming home to your body. You took an extra yoga class this week. You spent five minutes dancing to a favorite song. You stood outside breathing deeply - letting the fresh cold air cleanse your lungs.
And now, something’s starting to happen. You’re feeling things. You’re noticing things. You’re thinking things. It’s kind of cool. A few ideas have popped into your head - things you’d never considered before.
But some of it’s not cool. It’s a little scary or irritating. Now you’re seeing how you’ve been holding yourself back and playing small. It sucks. This is frustrating instead of liberating. Ugh! You may even be thinking: “Coming home to my body was supposed to make me feel great but that’s not happening. I must be doing it wrong.”
YOUR MIND DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR BODY
If you’ve been ignoring your body for a while, there’s a reason. That’s because your body wants to tell you about things that your conscious mind doesn’t want to know yet. Your body knows way more than your conscious mind. And your body will tell you anything you want to know - but your conscious mind is pretty strong and if you don’t want to know it, your mind will ignore your body for as long as possible to keep you from knowing. Your mind does this with good intention. It’s trying to keep you safe and happy. If it senses that what your body is saying is going to cause stress in your life, it’ll do it’s best to tune out the messages coming from your body.
An example could be a job that looks good on paper but gives you a sinking feeling in your gut every time you go there. Your mind is afraid of what might happen if you quit that job so it ignores the gut feelings.
We do this a lot to get by in our culture. And honestly, sometimes it’s ok. You’re not going to get up and leave a good friend’s wedding because your body starts saying that it’s bored and needs movement. (Save the moving for the reception). The problem comes when the mind overpowers the body ALL the time and you lose touch with the messages it’s sending. When you lose your connection to your body, you unplug from its innate knowing. If you lose your body as a reliable source of guidance you’re left relying on your mind. Thing is, your mind is run by habits that were mostly created when you were a kid. They were designed to keep you safe which was great when you were little… but not so great now.
As you come home to your body and re-open the conversation you may learn a lot that your mind has been pushing away. Especially in the beginning, things that you didn’t want to see may flood into your consciousness. To be honest, it’s not always comfortable. Most times you pick up on little irritants that you used to ignore, but sometimes it makes you question everything. (No, I’m not exaggerating)
If that’s started happening to you, don’t lose heart. I promise it’ll die down as your mind and body find a new way to work together.
BE KIND TO YOUR MIND
Your mind and body need to recalibrate their relationship. Your mind can back off a bit, and as it does, your body will start to speak up more. As that relationship finds its way, take good care of your mind. Remember, your mind is often operating from habits it built when you were little - and the things your body says can feel sort of threatening. This is a good time to be like a kind caregiver to your mind. Treat it like you’d treat a child that’s feeling scared. Offer it soothing words. Reassure it that even if you’re starting to feel and notice things differently, you’re still going to be ok. This may sound super simple and even childish, but it really helps.
A DREAM GETS UNSTUCK
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. “Nadia” was a brilliant writer and mystic guide but she was feeling stuck. She was great at helping people use writing to open their hearts and minds. She’d like to be doing that work, but when she thought about creating a new program she didn’t have any energy for it.
When we spoke I recommended that Nadia get moving. Not just the slow rhythmic walking she was doing every day, but break a sweat and move her energy around. Not being a yogi, Nadia decided to have a dance party every day.
That’s when things started to change. As her body started moving, her energy started moving too. Nadia started listening to her own longing and realized she wanted to create a program for writers. What she also realized was that she was afraid nobody would sign-up and that she had nothing to offer.
It sucked for Nadia realize how afraid she’d been feeling. But it also told her where care was needed. Nadia committed to reminding her mind that everything would be ok. That even if nobody signed up she would survive. And she reminded herself (often) that she did have a lot to offer writers. Nadia kept on dancing and caring for her fears. The fears never totally vanished, but eventually her mind calmed down. Now she’s running an awesome group for heart-centered writers who want to change the world.
MIND/BODY INTEGRATION
It’s so simple, but it makes a huge difference. If Nadia had gotten in touch with her fears, but not talked kindly to her mind, she’d probably still be stuck. But taking the time to honor the mind’s response and treat it with compassion made the difference that helped bring her dream to life.
The same thing can happen for you. As you come home to your body it will start to tell you more and more. You’ll learn about yourself in ways that you never imagined. Much of that will be beautiful and joyful.
But remember, if you’re learning things that you didn’t want to know - that’s really normal too. Take some time to be kind to your mind. Tell yourself things that will support and soothe it. Slowly, it’ll be able to calm down and really listen. Over time you’ll build a powerful and integrated mind/body relationship. And that’s the relationship that will guide you towards your deeply embodied and wildly authentic life.