To the Disappearing Woman

(Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash)

I know the woman who wants to disappear,

to dissipate from view the way that mist dissolves when you walk into it. 

It’s there, but not fully formed… there’s nothing you can push against or say is solid. 

She never fully comes into view.

I know the woman who wants to be someone else … wants to disappear from the life she lives and reappear completely transformed into someone else.  

I know the woman who attempts it often.  Taking on mannerisms, turns of speech, ways of clothing herself to appear like someone else.  She’s always imaging moments of revelation, where the world finally sees her.

Only the more she tries, the more disconnected she feels.  

Disconnected from her center. Disconnected from her truth.  

It pushes her onwards. 

The more disconnected she feels the more she grasps at the attempt to be someone else. 

Grasping for the dream of transformation into someone and something that isn’t THIS. 

Because THIS does not feel good.  

I know the women who becomes more and more misaligned with her own life. 

Now everything feels false. She thinks: “It’s fake.  It’s a sham. 

This just can’t be right.  This cannot be the life I’m meant to be living”.

I know the woman who doesn’t understand what’s happening when she first starts to think this thoughts. 

She continues to think the “problem” will be solved when she transforms.  

I know the woman who doesn’t see those thoughts as what they are: the first uncomfortable nudge back into alignment with her authentic self.

What I tell this woman,

over and over,

whenever she’ll listen is this:

No matter how much you admire or are inspired by anyone else.

The only person you can ever possibly be is you.  And the only person who can ever possibly be you, is YOU.

So yes, be inspired by someone’s skill. 

Yes, let others model confidence, authenticity and alignment for you.

Yes learn and grow by being with great teachers and gracious beings. 

Even ask yourself how would they be in this moment?  

But then.  Turn back around and ask yourself: How would I be in this moment? 

Who would the most authentic, most aligned, most magical me be in this moment?

And take the first step out of hiding to start to LIVE as HER.

She may not yet be skilled or polished.  

She may not yet embody the confidence that comes from years of living in alignment.  

She may not yet speak from the wisdom of experience.  

But if she is aligned with your deep central core, 

the golden thread of your midline, 

your true Heart, 

she will have resonance and she will embody truth.

Resonance, Alignment, Truth, Authenticity

These are the qualities that can carry you through your missteps,   

your challenges,   your incredibly difficult growing pains 

until you land softly back in your fullness.  

These are the qualities that buoy your resilience to try again to be you, 

whether or not you know who you are, 

until you finally arrive at the day when the only thing you want is to be yourself.

You were born to be you and no one else.  Please be you.  

We need YOU exactly as you are in this moment-

under baked and imperfect but aligning more and more with the truth in your wild-heart.  

The universe realized it was incomplete without you and so here you are.  

You are needed. You belong. 

Let nothing stop you from embodying your authentic self.

To this woman I say, I’m here for you. Please be here for yourself too.