Yoga for your Mind
{Photo by Tachina Lee on Unsplash}
I could’ve called this post: Why It’s important to get to know what you’re thinking ..
Did you ever notice how when you close your eyes to meditate or at the beginning of a yoga class your mind suddenly starts screaming? You go through your whole day without much going on in there, but when you sit down to get quiet it goes berserk.
Sadly, this is not uncommon. Many people have a hard time getting a meditation practice started for exactly this reason…their minds are just so loud.
But here’s the secret: your mind is actually loud all the time. It’s just that when you get quiet is the only time you ‘hear it.’ Most of the time you’re on autopilot thinking a lot but not noticing that you’re thinking. Thoughts are running rampant through your brain all the time and you have no idea they’re there.
Your Thoughts are Important
If you’re not paying attention, your thoughts’ll run you right into the ground. Here’s why: Life’s gonna life. It’s just out there happening. And what’s happening is neutral. It’s not good, it’s not bad. It’s not right, it’s not wrong. It’s neutral. It’s life being life… doing life.
But then here comes your mind… THINKING. It’s thinking a lot and most of what it’s thinking is based on two things: what it’s thought before, and the stories you’ve told yourself about what happened to you. We could call those thoughts your habits and conditioning. Simply put, your mind is mostly thinking about what it likes or doesn’t like and what it wants to be right about.
When something happens (that is neutral) you immediately have a thought about it. That’s not so horrible. But WHAT YOU THINK has a huge impact on how things go next.
Your thoughts are linked to your emotions. That means that whatever you think sets off an emotional reaction. So if you think: “This is pretty good, I like it” you’ll have a happy reaction. If you think: “This sucks, I hate it” you’ll have a sad or angry feeling. Again, it’s not a horrible thing to have a wide range of emotions. But you want to be aware of them because how you feel has a huge impact on how you ACT (or react as the case may be).
If you have a happy feeling you may hug someone or smile or do a joyful dance. If you are experiencing anger you might punch a wall or scream at the closest person. All of that sets up the next wave of circumstances leading to thoughts leading to emotions leading to action/reactions and off we go. It’s a never ending loop of life happening and each of us thinking and feeling and reacting to it.
It’s Not on Purpose
The important thing to remember here is that the circumstances are neutral. And that means that your thoughts are what drive your emotional reactions and then your behaviors. Thinking is happening ALL. THE. TIME. You have bajillions of thoughts every day that are followed instantaneously by emotions and reactions. It’s habitual and almost unstoppable. That’s because it’s unconscious. Unconscious means you’re not choosing what you think what you feel or how you act. It’s just happening…. on a loop…. all the time.
Unconsciousness is why you struggle to keep your intentions. For example, you might intend to stop yelling at your kids. But then they’re in the back seat loudly goofing off. (goofing off in the backseat is neutral) Without even being aware of it, you think “They shouldn’t do that”. (You think that because you weren’t allowed to goof off as a kid) Thinking that thought brings up anger. And now you’re yelling at them to “Cool it!” All of this happens so fast and so unconsciously that it’s almost impossible to stop it. There’s your loop of unconscious thoughts, emotions and reactions. UGH!
Unfortunately when this is happening you’ll think that it’s LIFE that is making you feel this way. You’ll blame other people for your stress. You’ll think that the kids caused you to feel angry rather than your thoughts making you mad. You’ll think that if only something would change then you’d feel better and act different. Let’s be honest, if life was fully going your way all the time, you might actually act differently. But have you ever tried to control the world so that it does exactly what you want it to do? … How successful were you at that? If you can make life bend to your will, I’d love for you to teach me how.
Becoming Conscious
Unfortunately we can’t control the world. We can’t even control our thoughts, feelings, or reactions. So let’s take ‘control’ out of the conversation and replace it with consciousness. If we can’t control life what we can do is become more conscious.
This is where working with your mind starts to feel like yoga. This may seem strange, but it’s possible to become so familiar with your thoughts that you start to recognize which ones are unconscious (most of them) and which ones are actually conscious (meaning you chose them). It’s possible to notice unconscious thoughts, to feel your feelings that come up with them and then (because you’ve been witnessing and feeling) actually consciously choose your response. In any situation you might say something, you might bite your tongue, you might do nothing, you might do something. The main point is that you don’t just have to react out of habit anymore. You get to choose because you’re aware of what’s going on in your mind and emotions.
Let’s go back to the example above where the kids were goofing off in the car. If you were conscious, you would hear the thought, and still feel the rush of anger. But, because you’re awake to what’s going on inside of you, instead of yelling you could choose something else. You could join the fun. You could gently remind the kids that it’s hard to concentrate on driving when it’s noisy in the back and to please quiet down. You might even still choose to yell if the kids haven’t been listening. The difference is that this time the yell would serve a purpose of getting the kids attention - it’s not just you taking out your anger on them.
Try It
It can be hard to do this kind of thing if you’re not used to paying attention to your thoughts. I recommend a lot of practice on your own in circumstances that are low stakes. So, the next time you’re mildly irritated try this:
Notice that you’re irritated and remind yourself that something you’re thinking is probably contributing to the irritation
Pay attention to what you’re telling yourself - What are you complaining about?
If you can get this far you’re already way more conscious than when you started….
Now ask this simple question: Is what I’m thinking True?
Notice what happens when you question your habitual thought - something might change
A Way to Peace
We need consciousness because it weaves life back together. Consciousness creates connection where unconsciousness often pulls people apart. Consciousness expands opportunities while unconsciousness creates limitations. Consciousness diminishes suffering, unconsciousness causes it. Consciousness doesn’t free you from pain and doesn’t stop the chaos of the world from coming to your door. But it does offer you ways to work with it that you simply do not have access to if you are running on your unconscious mental habits.
So that first moment in the yoga class, the one where you notice the clamor in your mind, is actually really important. It is the moment when you can start to actually hear yourself. It’s a mini-training ground for becoming more conscious. Any tiny sliver of consciousness is better than none at all. Every conscious breath offers you freedom. Any conscious choice (like setting an intention in a yoga class) shifts your unconscious patterns. And all of it points in in the direction of less suffering and more peace.
That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Inner work, yoga, all of it. It’s about decreasing suffering - for ourselves and for others. When you learn to hear your thoughts you take a step in that direction. It may feel small or like it’s not enough. But believe me, this world needs all the consciousness that it can get. Bring yours forward and let’s diminish the suffering on this planet together.
Need some help? Getting conscious of your thoughts is a lot easier when you have someone helping you hear them. This is how I start most of my work with my coaching clients. So if you’re ready to get out of unconscious reactivity and into conscious choices in your life, be in touch. Let’s see if we’re a good fit to work together.