Don’t Let Comparison Steal your Joy

I’m in it again.  COMPARISON.  It is stealing my joy left and right.

In the last month I’ve been working with a designer on a new website.  Part of the process includes figuring out who I love to work with and how to speak to them clearly.  It’s a fun and sometimes tedious process that (hopefully) translates into the right folks finding me for yoga and 1:1 work.

We’re in the design stage now; working to figure out the logo and site colors.  Even though we’ve done all the refinement to discover who I want to talk to… it’s still a really hard process. In the beginning, everything she sent me felt “off” but I couldn’t figure out why.

Then….earlier this week, a woman I deeply admire put out a new website.  Not just any website, a gorgeous website with incredible design.  I looked at it and instantly thought:  “THAT is the website I want!!!” 

It was horrible timing.  

Just seeing her new website threw me into a fit of comparison and self-doubt. I was thinking things like:  “I should re-write everything I was going to put on mine”.    “She’s doing everything so much better than I am”    “I should change the outfits for my photo shoot".     “She’s got everything all together”    “Maybe I should fire my designer and hire hers”    “I should rework everything I’m doing.”      “Nothing is right!!!” “I should just quit now.”

You know that quote by Theodore Roosevelt: “Comparison is the thief of joy”?  That was totally what I was feeling.  All of my excitement for the new website disappeared.  Instead I felt diminished, broken, and like something important was missing.

IT’S EASY TO COMPARE

Nowadays you can always take a peek into someone else’s life via social media.  While we know that social media is definitely not the whole picture of anyone’s life, seeing folks living the life you want to live can feel really confronting.  Maybe it inspires you, but if you’re not careful you’ll quickly start comparing and end up feeling crappy.  

Comparison is often accompanied by self-doubt. They’re a double whammy of seeing where you don’t think you’re measuring up and then doubting yourself for it.  And what’s worse is that the combo will oftentimes stop you from moving forward.  So what do you do?

EYES ON YOUR OWN MAT

Have you ever been in a yoga class and had the teacher say “eyes on your own mat”?  I don’t say it a lot, but whenever I’m teaching brand new beginners it’s something I often remind them to do.  That’s because they’re often looking all around the room and getting distracted by what everyone else is doing.  Keeping your eyes on your own mat is about remembering to stay in your own experience.  It helps keep you from being distracted by anything anyone else is doing.  

In any given yoga class there are students with injuries and conditions, folks with 20 years of practice and others with 2 or 3 classes under their belts, people who are exhausted and those who are bursting with energy, and people who’re having their best days while others are just trying to get through the day - not to mention the wide range of ages, shapes, and life experiences.  We’re all in the room together.  We’re all attempting to practice the same-is things.  But we’re all coming from very unique places. 

Given that there’s so much variety in a single class it makes no sense to compare yourself with any other student.  None whatsoever.  The reminder to keep your “eyes on your own mat” is really about dropping comparison and sticking with yourself.  When you do it well you can explore what’s going on with you.  If you’re really centered it’s simple to lift your head to see what other folks are doing.  You just don’t allow yourself to get caught up in anyone else’s practice. 

BACK TO YOU

It’s a good lesson for life. Goodness knows there is a TON of variety out in the world so it really makes no sense to compare yourself to anyone. The best thing to do when you notice comparison and it’s friend self-doubt coming up is to put your eyes back on your own mat.  Turn away from whoever you’re comparing yourself with and turn back to yourself.

You are so special and unique.  And you’ve only got this one lifetime to explore the many facets of your darkness and your magic.  Don’t waste your time worrying about what anyone else is doing.  

I know you get this intellectually… but that doesn’t help you when you’re stuck in it.  So here’s an exercise I use with clients to help them remember what’s important.

BUT WHO ARE YOU?

Grab a journal and settle in

• Answer these questions : What do I most value in your life?  What qualities do I naturally embody?  What are my inherent gifts? 

• Read through your answers and pick out the top 3 - 5 qualities or values that you hold most strongly.

• Create something that will remind you of your values

some people make a vision board or visionary cards

others write a beautiful paragraph that inspires and reminds them

• Spend time with your creation regularly, reminding yourself of your values. Also put it where you can get it when you need it

• The next time comparison arrives put your eyes on your own mat.  Use your creation to remind you who you are and what you value

YOU DO YOU

As with a lot of the exercises I offer my clients, it seems simple.  It IS simple. But it’s also powerful.  It interrupts the loop of comparison and self-doubt and plugs you back in to you. When you’re plugged back into your center you feel effective, confident, and reassured that all is going according to plan.  You can let others do them.  While you concentrate on doing you.  

In my case, I was lucky that I’d already created a full document to support the website we’re building.  Once I caught myself in comparison mode I went back to what I knew and what I wanted.  I had a good conversation with my designer and she helped me remember my goals for this project. 

Suddenly all the things that felt like they weren’t working started to seem exactly right.  Spending a little bit of time remembering and affirming my values made all the difference. I’m so much happier with how tings are going now than I was before.  

There are a lot of people in this great big world.  A lot of them will be doing things that are similar to things you’re doing.  But none of them, absolutely none of them are YOU.  So sure, admire other folks, celebrate them.  Even let them inspire you.  

But in the end, come back home to YOU.  What’s most important is that you’re true to you.