Awareness: the first Shakti
This fall we’re diving into Tantric Yoga philosophy as applied to modern life. Even if you’re not a “yoga person” you may find that this philosophy has something to offer… come along for the ride.
Wake Up Call
I made a comment about being “distracted and thinking things through” to my meditation group. My teacher was very direct with me: “No, that’s not what we’re doing here. What you need to concern yourself with is simply noticing”
I was actually shocked. While she’d often been very direct with others, her tone with me up until this point was generally soft and encouraging. Not this time. She wasn’t harsh but she was extremely clear: I was off the mark and needed to get back on it.
So that sucked. And. It was exactly what I needed.
I left group that afternoon feeling chastened. Worried that I’d done something wrong. Feeling like I’d gotten in trouble. It was both uncomfortable and familiar. At that time in my life I often felt like I was taking missteps and that it was important never to show my failings.
Perfectionism Unraveling
That’s why this was what I needed. Over the course of the next few days something incredible happened. I realized how much I wanted to ‘do it right’ and ‘be right’. How hard I struggled when I was ‘caught doing something wrong.’ I had never in my life been so aware of my perfectionism.
The more aware of it I became, the more it unraveled. Like a ball of yarn caught in a knot that suddenly broke free, it was like a long trail of assumptions, anxiety, and hiding uncoiled itself and rolled out along the floor, releasing me from years of mental torment.
In group the next week I laughed with my teacher as I realized how much I’d been putting into trying to do things ‘the right way’ all the time. It was one of the bigger accidental awarenesses I’ve ever experienced. And one that stuck. I’m still perfectionistic at times - but I’m definitely not paralyzed by it the way that I once was.
The Power of Awareness
This brings us to our first Shakti (Power). Cit (pronounced Chit) The Power of Awareness.
Cit Shakti encompasses the the power of being externally and absolutely conscious and present. To be here and to know that you are here is to exercise Cit Shakti.
In its fully expanded Universal state, cit is unconditional presence. It is the Universe that is aware of itself and aware of all the expressions and unfolding going on within itself.
In each of us cit allows us to experience ourselves and the world around us. It is the basic fundamental experience of being alive.
It also expresses in more subtle ways. Any time you become aware of anything, that’s cit. Like me in the meditation group suddenly waking up to my perfectionism, you can have any awareness only because you have the power of awareness. So if you’re in a coaching session and suddenly realize why you’ve been doing that annoying thing you always do… your new awareness happens because you have the power to realize it. When you’re in a yoga class and you become aware of the effect a pose is having in your body, that’s cit.
Awareness in your Life
It seems pretty simple, and it is: We become aware because we have the power of awareness. It’s easy to grasp conceptually. But to embody it and live our lives as if it’s true invites a whole new way of engaging.
It seems most helpful to consider that one could always become more aware in life. But particularly in times of struggle. If we always have the power of awareness, then anytime you feel contracted, blocked, veiled - like you aren’t conscious you can remember that it’s possible to become more conscious. When your mind doesn’t see a way. When you feel trapped. When your mind feels small. When you’re stuck in your old habits. You still have cit Shakti. You still have the power of awareness.
That means, at any moment, you could become aware of a new possibility.
To me, this is incredibly hopeful. There’s always hope because we never lose our powers - even when they become veiled. They’re still there. We need only remember and recognize them. What a relief.
Practicing Awareness
We remember through practice and experience. Yoga asana, mantra, and meditation can be formalized ways of practicing. You could set an intention to open to cit shakti during your session, then see what happens. You can walk through life wondering how conscious you are at any moment. How awake to the day. How present. All of these lead into more cit.
And then there are those moments of pure awareness. Perhaps during a seated mediation you feel aware of more than just your human form - you expand to encompass the entire Universe. That’s cit. Or, in the course of your daily life, something strikes your heart and shifts your perception. In those moments, pay attention to the shift and also, remember that it is your power of awareness that makes the shift possible. That too is cit shakti.
Cit can be elusive, but it’s always there. If you want to know it more, bring it to the top of your mind and ask Shakti-Ma to show you the way. She’s more than happy to guide you home to her.
Authors Note: I am a student of NST (Non-Dual Shiava Tantra) not a scholar and clearly not a child of India, the home of these teachings. I share them from my perspective as student of the teachings and of the Chiti. These teachings in particular can be found in a text called Pratyabijna Hrdaya. Any mistakes are most certainly my own. For those who are interested in learning more I am happy to recommend teachers to guide you.