Making a Change? Plan for this….
Happy New Year! New Year, New You! Time to Start Fresh! Make those Resolutions Real. Blah, Blah, Blah…. Seriously, I’m so not interested in any of that narrative.
I am, however, interested in change. Change that is intentional and sustainable. Change that is motivated by your Heart’s deepest desires. Change that TRANSFORMS you from the inside out. That, is something I am extremely interested in.
Bad News
That’s why I’m going to tell you the least encouraging thing you’ll hear at the start of the year. Whatever you’re doing or trying to change. Whatever it is you’re starting right now: IT ISN’T GOING TO WORK.
I know, buzzkill, right!?!
Here’s what I mean… I mean, it’s not going to work the first time. It’s not going to work every single time. You’re gonna mess it up. More than once. Because if it was easy, you’d already be doing it. You’d put your time and attention on something else. I already make my bed every morning, I don’t need to focus on it, it’s easy.
If your transformation was easy, it wouldn’t be a transformation. And that’s why you’re going to struggle with it some of the time. The reason I’m telling you is so that you can have a plan for when things go haywire.
Plan to Fail
This is an often overlooked part of the transformational process. Failure. And lots of it. You get all motivated, you get started… things start pretty good. But then, you get tired, the kids get sick, you have stay late and work and you miss your yoga class. Something gets in the way and whatever resolution you’ve made is a lot harder to keep.
All of that is totally normal. Life has a way of being life-y and it doesn’t always align with your plans. ugh! It’s not such a problem that you slip up or life gets in the way. That is, it’s not a problem unless you give up.
If you give up then you end up right back where you started. And you start to lose faith in your ability to transform your life. It’s not that you can’t do it. It’s just that you stopped too soon.
Plan to Recover
That’s why you need to expect bumps in the road. And you need a plan for what to do when they happen. That way you don’t have to give up. You can pick yourself up and start over.
The point isn’t that you get it perfect from the very beginning. The point is that you keep trying even when it’s hard. That means being willing to start over a bunch (I mean a BUNCH) of times. More times than you want to. Start over until you don’t have to do it anymore.
Try this:
The next time you’ve slipped up, use this recovery plan. ..
Acknowledge It - Despite your best efforts life got in the way OR you forgot or got tired. Whatever happened, just acknowledge it.
Give yourself what you need - Kindness, Compassion, Forgiveness
Practice Acceptance - Accept your human self just as you are, accept that missteps are part of the process
START OVER - make a plan for how to get back on the horse and try again
Again, it’s so normal that you won’t be able to change immediately. Your habits are strong and your mind needs time to make new ones.
Recover Faster
Transformation happens on it’s own timetable. But it moves faster if you pay attention and learn along the way. To speed up the process, pick up on your patterns.
Once you’ve acknowledged that you’re off track, go back and see if you can figure out what happened that took you off track. Where can you interrupt the interruption or plan for life events in the future?
Also notice the pattern around how you treat yourself when you mess up. This one is HUGE because if you’re kind and loving about your missteps it’ll be a lot easier to start again. But if you’re beating yourself up why would you want to try again? You won’t. By noticing how you’re treating yourself you can interrupt any negativity with kindness. That makes you way more resilient in the face of challenges.
Anything’s Possible
I love helping people change. I love being in transformational processes myself. Honestly, the biggest shift happened when I accepted setbacks as part of it. As soon as I gave myself permission to mess up and start over as many times as I needed, everything shifted. I’ve gotten a lot more resilient and that means I transform a lot faster than I used to.
Now, this is how I understand the change process:
Get excited. Get started. Mess up. Acknowledge, Accept and Recover. Be kind. Start over. Rinse and Repeat.
(Along the way become curious about your patterns and learn how to interrupt them.)
If you can embrace this process, true sustainable transformation is possible. Go for it, my friend! I’m cheering for you