Meltdown: The First Phase of Change
(Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash)
First a spark - a fleeting flash of insight or a terrifying diagnosis. The shift is here. What was before, will be no longer.
The Meltdown
The first real phase of change requires a melting. Like gold at 1,948 degrees, the hard fought features of your life must melt down… back into their essence. Anything that isn’t essential must go.
It’s an interior melting. It may or may not be visible to onlookers. Parts of the self that seemed so important hold no energy anymore. In their place - quiet. Roiling, dark quiet; like looking through a mist and not seeing the terrain beyond.
This is a time of drawing near the most intimate self. Drawing towards the very marrow of your bones. The true Heart where your authentic self resides.
The meltdown requires false selves, constructed selves, even idyllic selves to fall away into the void. When all that settles down, what’s left is the diamond strong core at your center.
The meltdown comes when needed. The meltdown stays as long as necessary. Sometimes a moment or a day. Sometimes weeks or months. It stays as long as dissolution takes.
The meltdown is unsettling, confusing, frustrating. It is unwelcome. Some part of yourself keeps slipping away. Replaced by…. nothing. You worry you’re melting so much you’re turning to goo.
Butterfly Goo
Butterfly knows this. When change came for her she didn’t simply add wings to her caterpillar body and fly away. No. She melted down. All the way down into goo. She was primordial soup until she re-grouped. Let her teach you.
In the middle of the meltdown, the dark night of the soul, there’s nothing to be done. Truly. Drop any sense you could control or steer this. It is a process that is much much bigger than your small false self. No. All there is to do is get quiet, let go. Be nothing and no one.
Allow your mantra to be: “I don’t know what’s going on… And it’s ok” *
Let it be ok to be the goo, the ooze in the dark. Let it be ok to touch the diamond strong core of you. She will find her way again.
You will not melt forever. There’s no telling how long it will take but eventually, like butterfly, you will re-form. New body and fresh wings, ready to help you soar.
Practices for the Meltdown Phase
Repeat to yourself: “I don’t know what’s going on … and it’s ok” *
Meditate with the image of a fire. Imagine throwing in the parts of yourself that don’t feel like they fit anymore. Allow them to burn up so that you can transform.
Journal by writing down all of your roles and who you think you are - then beside that notice which ones feel like they’re ‘not you’ anymore and write “not that”. what remains are those parts at the diamond center of who you are.
* The mantra is an adaptation from author and life coach Martha Beck. It’s found in her book Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life you were Meant to Live. (Definitely recommended reading)