Use Mindfulness to get into your Authenticity Sweet Spot
A few weeks ago a trusted yoga colleague asked me a question about my teachers. It was very simple, but that question brought up a strong inner response. Part of me wanted to puff myself up, and assert my knowledge and my prestige. The other part of me wanted to run away, sensing that I definitely don’t know enough to teach or write this blog. After 17 years of teaching I’m still questioning my worthiness and trying to inflate myself to prove I belong.
The two responses of trying to prove and trying to hide are the guidelines I use to alert myself to when I’m being inauthentic. As soon as I try to prove myself I know I’m puffing up beyond who I am. And as soon as I try to hide, I know I’ve diminished who I am.
Sometimes it’s a fine line to stand in the truth of who you are.
What is Authenticity?
I define Authenticity as the sweet spot where you have nothing to prove and nothing to hide. When you’re in authenticity you don’t have to inflate your credentials or assert your worthiness. You also don’t dim your experiences or expressions so you can hide in the shadows.
In authenticity you’re right in the middle with all of your greatness and your challenges. You stand strong inside of yourself without any need for armor. Authenticity requires you to stand in your truth. All of it.
It’s Easy // It’s Hard
Sometimes being your authentic self is quite easy. The boundaries between hiding and proving are very wide. This is how you feel when you’re with the people who see you and love you for who you are. It’s how you can feel in nature when you feel safe. It’s how you can be with yourself if you’ve built a loving inner world.
But sometimes being your authentic self is much more difficult. It happens when there’s a very narrow window between proving and hiding. It’s when you feel like you either want to be better than you are or you have to run away. This could happen in social situations where you don’t know many people. Or at work when you’re asked a question you don’t know the answer to. In these cases, you’ll tend to compensate for the discomfort by either proving or hiding. Either way, it’s unsatisfying because you feel the misalignment within yourself.
Step into the Sweet Spot
What we forget in the more stressful moments is that the sweet spot of Authenticity is always available. One needs only step into it. But to find it you have to pay attention. Unfortunately you can’t just snap your fingers and “Be Authentic”, even if that’s what’s written on all the T-shirts.
It takes practice.
I know, it sounds silly to practice being authentic…. because isn’t that inherently inauthentic? In this case, you’re not practicing being yourself, that’s not something you can practice, you’re practicing letting go of inauthenticity. But because you’re used to proving yourself or hiding yourself, it takes practice to stop doing that. Here’s how…
A Mindfulness Practice for Authenticity
Set the intention to Be in your Authenticity (as defined by not proving / not hiding yourself)
Notice when you start to prove something // Notice when you start to hide something
Let those noticing wake you up to the sense that you are now out of authenticity with yourself
Soften, and be kind inside, this can be uncomfortable. You don’t need to judge yourself for anything.
This much is enough to create an inner shift. You don’t have to do anything else. Just notice - “I’m inflating myself.” or “I’m hiding again”
Soften again. Allow the volume of hiding or proving to turn down. This is less of a ‘doing' and more of an ‘allowing’
Re-enter your life with more authenticity
As you may sense, this is a mindfulness-based experience. This is about noticing and making an inner shift. I’m not telling you to go out and DO anything. That’s because authenticity is an inside job. Only you can know when you’re out of alignment with your Authentic Self. And only you can get yourself back to it. The inner work of noticing, softening, and releasing the habits of proving or hiding is what will transform you over time.
Being Myself
With my colleague, I had a little laugh to myself. I noticed the inner agony of imposter syndrome that came with the thought that I’d better stop writing this blog before anyone finds out what I’m doing. I noticed the inner fight to show her all the work I’ve done for the past 20 years. I really noticed the discomfort of both of those. And then I just softened. I reminded myself that what I want most is to be truly myself in my life, even when it’s hard.
So my answer to my friend walked exactly the line between proving and hiding. I shared my experience and acknowledged my room for growth. It wasn’t easy. But it was aligned and it was true. I came out of that exchange feeling grounded and content in who I am.
That’s what I want for all of us, more than most anything else. That all beings have safety and freedom. And that that safety and freedom includes being authentically who they are. That each us find the ground of our being and know it to be well and inherently good. May we be content and at peace in who we are. And may we find no need to hide that person from the world and no need to pretend she’s more than who she really is.
At the deepest level, may we all remember how very well-made we all are. And by stepping into our own authenticity may we make room for others to do the same.