Struggle: the Third Phase of Change
(Photo by Bankim Desai on Unsplash)
There comes a moment where the cocoon that felt so safe now feels confining. Rather than supported, one feels stifled.
There comes a moment when the plans are as complete as they can be. Rather than daunted, one feels inspired.
The dream has landed, the plans are made. It’s time to begin. Again.
Finally it’s time for action. Take action that moves you towards your new life.
Struggling Free
Inside her cocoon, caterpillar melted and transformed into butterfly, new wings and all. Now comes the work of leaving comfort to return to the world.
Exiting the cocoon is work. The seal must be broken. A squeeze and push have to happen. Butterfly must summon her strength to push away from what once created such safety. The struggle is necessary if she wishes for freedom. Only by pushing her way free does she make her wings strong enough to carry her into flight.
The third phase of change has arrived and it’s not messing around. Phase three is the struggle. It’s the unavoidable work that actually changes you into the person who can live the dream.
The struggle takes everything butterfly has - her will, her tenacity, her LOVE. It’s exhausting and exhilarating when she remembers new life is on the other side.
Why am I doing this?
You too will wonder if all this is worth it. The problems may feel insurmountable. The plans will feel incomplete and naïve.
Just remember that this part of change is strengthening your wings for flight. This part is creating the person you need to be if your dream is to become real.
There will be back tracks and do overs. You will Begin Again a hundred times. You will doubt yourself and confront more inner demons. And you will learn what to do. You will learn who you have to be.
Loving tenacity is required in this phase. Love for yourself and all that you stir up. Love for your dream. Tenacity to stick with it.
You will again need to love your way through. And again, it can help to have folks beside you cheering you on in your push towards freedom.
Your repetitive thought for the struggle must be: “this is harder than I thought… and it’s ok” **
Struggle in service of Transformation
Butterfly knows that without this work, her wings stay weak, unable to carry her. This work is difficult and exhausting. That’s why the first thing she does when she’s finally free is REST.
She spends hours airing her wings, letting them dry as she regains power. She rests and exercises the slow wing beats that will eventually carry her into flight.
This is what you must remember: The struggle, the challenge, the work are real. You will become exhausted. But know also that this will not last forever. Soon you will rest from your efforts.
Give yourself to this process.
Allow it to work in on and through you.
This is great work in service of your transformation.
You are almost to the other side.
Rest and Freedom await you.
Practices for when your’e struggling through
Divide tasks into the smallest pieces possible. Take on only one task at a time
Keep your To-Do list to three things… one of which is self care that feels like REST
Journal about your experiences and imagine this as an adventure story. In the future you’ll look back in admiration of the person you are who was able to make it through all of the challenges of your transformation.
Keep a sense of humor. If things don’t go well today, you can always begin again tomorrow.
** The phase three mantra is from author and life coach Martha Beck. It’s found in her book Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life you were Meant to Live. (Definitely recommended reading)