Don't Stop Dreaming

On Sunday night at 9pm the online yoga training I’ve been part of for almost a year came to a close.  We laughed, some folks cried, we sang together… then one by one we clicked “Leave Meeting”. The little ZOOM boxes full of friends disappeared and our desktops glowed empty without them. 

If you’ve practiced with me in the last year you know the training changed my teaching.  You probably feel it in your body the way I do. This training has built a stronger foundation which leads to more capacity to play at the edges.

You may even notice that the training changed me as a teacher too.  How I see myself shifted — from not enough and needing to be perfect — to absolutely enough and a work in progress. I see the expertise and experience that 16 years of teaching has given me, and I acknowledge that it’s a drop in the ocean of yoga… and that’s ok.  I’ll never know it all.

Mostly as I left the training I felt full.  Resourced.  Ready.  I felt reconnected to a deep calling to help people by offering what I have.  I felt even more responsibility to share what I’ve been given with those who could use it.

It’s kind of an unstoppable feeling.  Like you’re on top of the world.  Or you’re a powerful healer who’s not afraid to use her medicine to help anyone who needs it.  

High to Low

But then.  It changed.  

I questioned my capacity to do the things I want to do.  I mean, I’ve been through yoga teacher trainings before. I’ve always come out of them feeling lit up and inspired to share yoga… and I’ve always found myself right back where I started: depleted and burnt out.  Why should this time be any different?

I started worrying about all sorts of things.  How was I going to keep my practice going this strong? Where was I going to get new material to feed my classes?  How was I going to sustain myself without the support of the group and the teacher?  As soon as the worries kicked in I told myself I couldn’t possibly do it.  I couldn’t keep myself going on my own.  I was going to burn myself out trying so I should stop before I start.

Self-Doubt

Oh, my old friend self-doubt is back. It returns just in time to save us from making (what it thinks could be) huge mistakes.  It steps up when life starts to feel really great.  It comes into the picture when you dare to dream — and especially when you dare to dream BIG.

I see this with coaching clients who try to start something new in their work, or relationships. I see it with yoga students who shy away from postures that they are clearly prepared to practice.  And, true confession, I see it in myself.  

Self-doubt is not actually a problem, unless you turn it into one.  One possibility is that you hear it, but don’t pay it much attention. That’s when it’s not a problem.  But most people don’t do that.  

Most folks catch a hint of self-doubt and really take it to heart.  They believe it and it stops them.  Then it becomes self-fulfilling.  You thought you could follow your dream… but as soon as self-doubt showed up you realized you couldn’t.  How convenient for self-doubt because you just proved it right.  That’s when it’s a real problem. When it stops you from living your deepest heart callings self-doubt needs to be examined.  

Another Way

I hinted at this before, but there is another way.  The way of acknowledging self-doubt but not letting it stop you.  This way starts by pausing to make room for the messages from your doubt.  You probably know they’re fear-based.  You probably know they’re trying to keep you small so you don’t get hurt. 

But knowing that doesn’t necessarily make it easier to deal with.  That’s why, after acknowledging your self-doubt you’ll answer it before you move on.  By listening and answering you grow your capacity to experience the doubt but not let it stop you.  Eventually you’ll be able to have doubt and keep going. By then, it won’t be the loudest voice in your head. 

It’s easier said than done, but it is possible.  Even just considering the idea is a start.  

For me, answering my doubt has meant acknowledging that the training that just ended dropped me into a different universe than my previous trainings did.  What I mean is, when I finished other trainings there was a lot of external pressure on my teachings and my ability to build community.  I felt a sense of urgency, perfectionism, and ongoing not-enoughness that was coming from the outside. I internalized it and put the pressure on myself too.  But at the end of this training, none of that is here.  I have no sense of obligation or any requirements with my teaching or my classes.  I feel a deep sense of freedom and personal agency that I’ve not experienced in my teaching life in a long time.  

Just that simple fact means that I’m entering into the unknown in terms of how things will go for me after the training.   My self-doubt was really leaning into my past to tell me how the future is going to be.  But when I step back, I see that I can’t possibly know how my future is going to be - I haven’t lived anything like this before.  That’s the response that my self-doubt needed to hear so that it could calm down.

A New Day

There’s a key for how to answer self-doubt.  It is the reminder that today is a new day with new experiences.  And that no matter how anything has gone in the past, it’s possible for things to go differently this time.  When doubt arises, it can be calmed by taking the perspective of  “I don’t know” or “I’m open to possibilities”.    Doing so, relieves the pressure on the situation.  

It’s true, we truly don’t know what the outcome of anything is going to be.  Even if we’ve done it a million times and there’s a lot of evidence for a similar outcome, there’s still what the yogis call Līla - the divine play of the Universe.  There’s always another possibility if we can open our eyes to see it.  And when we’re open to new possibilities self-doubt can’t keep it’s grip on us.  What a relief!

Dream Big

As we enter into the winter months, you may feel the natural urge to draw inwards.  This time of year invites slowing down, getting cozy….  and DREAMING.  This year, if you feel called to dream big…  don’t stop yourself.  Know that your self-doubt will arise so - listen first, then answer.  Remind yourself that you can’t possibly know the outcome and you’re on a great adventure in your life.  Then.  GO, my friend, GO!  It’s time.  The world is ready for your Magic.