What do you know about Change?

In the last few weeks I’ve been feeling like a shirt in the washing machine.  My emotional landscape has felt pushed / pulled  / turned / twisted / doused and spun. I know it’s happening to clean out places around my Heart that are clogged with dirt.  But, I don’t think I asked for this.  And it doesn’t feel like a gentle cycle. 

It feels like change.  Necessary change.  Change that will bring growth.  But change nonetheless.  Change is not always my favorite; especially when it’s uninvited. But I think I’m better off than most when change arrives, because I recognize what’s happening.  And more importantly,  I know how to let the process unfold without fighting it.  

We’re Not Great with Change

Think about it, how good are you at navigating change? How much life education did you get about how to deal with change when you were growing up? Most of us didn’t get much because our culture doesn’t know what to do with it. 

Dominant Western culture acknowledges some changes - birth/death, marriage/divorce, graduation/retirement, a move, a diagnosis.  But it doesn’t have great rituals around any of these changes.  We acknowledge that these things happen, and there might be a party, but that’s it. 

So then what about the less obvious but no less important changes we experience all the time?   Things like:  recognizing that the puppy is a dog now, new gray hairs and wrinkles, bigger smiles and easier laughter, losing interest in things that used to bring joy, accepting help that you used to push away and all of the other moments of personal growth or diminishment that only you and those close to you would notice.  What about those changes?  

Each of us is a unique individual on a personal journey through life.  All along the way there are tiny changes and bigger ones that are like stepping stones on our paths.  In a culture that wants everything to stay the same, it’s easy to feel invisible when you’re in the midst of a change.  And if you’re into personal growth - you might feel like you’re almost always in the midst of a change. Honestly, that’s more accurate.  

Change is Always Here

We’re all always in the midst of change.  As much as we’d like things to stay the same and be predictable, change is right here in this moment with us.  In your body, food is being turned into energy and waste.  Breath is transforming into life force.  Hormones are shifting your mental and emotional landscapes.  Just reading this is changing the shape of your brain.  All of that is happening right here, right now.  Change is happening right here, right now.

These changes are expected, so they don’t cause much worry.  I mean, it doesn’t stress me out to have my food turn into fuel - it makes me really happy.  So, the kinds of changes that sustain life or that I don’t have to think about, can be easy to accept. 

But what about other change?   Some change can be difficult. Situations come up that you didn’t ask for and wouldn’t wish on anyone.  Aging is often unwelcome.  Setting down parts of your identity (like being a stay-at-home-parent) when the circumstances change is not always easy.  In these times, change can be very stressful.   And then there’s just the growth process of being human.  If you’re engaged in inner work you may be consistently inviting change.  But inviting it doesn’t mean it feels welcome or easy. 

Why’s it so stressful?

Part of why personal change seems so difficult is that most of us don’t have roadmaps or rituals to support us.  Most folks aren’t taught to recognize change, how to initiate it when we want to, how to navigate it when it’s happening, or even how to know when you’re out the other side of it.  Mostly, we’ve just been taught to resist it at all costs.  Even when it’s inevitable, or the best thing that could happen. 

Without a map, without understanding the change process and getting comfortable in the discomfort of it, we struggle to grow through it.  Then, it just feels like struggle and stress, not a supportive process that is midwifing a more authentic version of yourself. 

There’s a map - I’ll help you read it

Ironically, the change process is pretty predictable.  Whether you’re inviting change into your life or it’s arrived unannounced, the process is the same. We can map it out and know what to expect.  With maps and plans, it’s possible to navigate your way through change to a more integrated whole on the other side.  When you’re fully present for change in that way, you’re less of a victim of it.  Instead, you’re a willing participant (yes, even when it sucks - and it will).  You’ll come through with powerful wisdom that can support not only you, but everyone you’re in relationship with in the future.

This entire post is a lead up to a conversation I’ve been wanting to have: a conversation about change. Most of the people who come to me for both coaching and yoga, first come because they want support for change. What I’ve discovered in my work is that most folks have NO IDEA what to expect or how to go through change. That’s why over the course of the next several weeks I’ll be talking about change in this space. I’ll share models of change, ways to support yourself while you change, and practices that can help you grow wisdom in the process.  

Get Good at Change

I truly believe that we need to get good at change.  And to do that, we first need to understand the change process, learn how to locate where we are within that process, and practice moving through it with intention, tenacity, and courage.  The more people who embrace change, move through it gracefully, and can help others do the same - the more our world benefits.  Our world needs change.  I think that if you know how to ‘do change’, you can help change the world.  

For today, I leave you with this question: What was the last major change you went through? And did you understand the process as it was happening or did you feel lost and confused? 

I’d love for you to leave your answer in the comments or send me an email. Ready for the journey? Let’s go!